11 weeks, 29 to go!

How far along? 11 weeks (Although the ultrasound says 11 weeks 4 days)

Total weight gain/loss: -4.0, -5.5 total

Maternity clothes?: Loving the maternity pants, they are so comfy! I can still fit in my jeans thanks to the added weight loss.

Stretch marks? None from baby

Sleep: Still feeling the effects of exhaustion. Im so tired that I feel like I need a nap five minutes after I wake up.

Best moment this week: Seeing the babies arms and legs and hands and feet. And realizing more and more that I am pregnant. Also I went two entire days this week without vomiting…those were fabulous days. Too bad they didint last.

Worst Moment this week: Feeling so tired that I had to convince myself to even walk into my room to sleep. Also some dizziness that made me faint.

Movement: I can definitly say that I feel more “full” than before. But no real fetal movement.

Food cravings/aversions: Artichokes are the only real food that is appealing right now and dang are they expensive! Also loving the ginger ale floats! Yummy!

Belly Button in or out?: In for a long time. I happen to have a freakishly deep belly button.

Gender: This week I feel like its a girl. Hubby still thinks that its a boy. Only 29 weeks until we find out!

What I miss: My energy and appetite.

What I am looking forward to: NT scan in just a 10 days!

Weekly Wisdom: Just because it didnt make you tired 4 months ago does not mean that you can do it now with the same spunk. AND…baby needs sleep or it will punish you!

Milestones: Abdomen starting to swell…..Not looking so much like bloat.

Symptoms: Exhaustion and nausea. And grumpiness!

Questions and Answers from the Dad- part two

1) How did you feel when you saw the baby on the ultrasound?:

So happy. We are having a baby!!!!!

2) what do you call the baby? And why?:

Squido.  Our Little squid navy brat
3) Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?:

It doesnt matter he/she is going to be love the same

4) What is one thing that scares you about fatherhood?:

Nothing it is a great adventure

5) What is the hardest part of having a pregnant spouse?:

Not being there with her

6) Write a message to your baby:

Hello baby. We cannot wait to meet you. There is lots to do, learn, explore and discover. We love you.

7) Write a message to the big brother:

Big boy C,  soon you will have a new sibling! He/she will look up to you. You are becoming the oldest kid with a little more responsibilities. We love you son! You are gonna be a great BIG BROTHER!

8) Write a message to your wife:

Love you my baby. Adore you so much and Im sorry im not there to take care of you!!  Love you baby. Muah

Wordless

I eat JAWS for dinner!

Barbie hands and feet

At my appointment the other day the doctor took a quick peak with the ultrasound machine and while we were watching we were able to see the littlest hands and feet I have ever seen in my entire life. I wish I had pictures but his machines printer was not working. The heartbeat was 168 and the doctors commented about how much the baby was kicking!

The doctor said that once I start to really feel the baby move I am never gonna get any rest because he/she was just kicking up a storm!!

Only two more weeks until the NT scan and hopefully there will be some pictures then!

Now I gotta get headed to clinicals! Only 6 more clinical days left until this quarter is over!

Every parents worst fear

Before I get into an email about all the positives of my own experience yesterday, I feel the need to talk about something else.

I was recently reading my RSS feed of all of my blogs that I love and found out about a very sick little girl. You can read the story of Layla Grace by clicking her name. I spent time last night praying for Layla Grace, thinking about her and her family. I cant imagine the pain that they are experiencing right now.

Reading Layla Grace’s story made me think of the things in life that we take for granted. I read the post her mother wrote about Valentines Day and Regrets and I sobbed. I am so blessed in my life, blessed to be in a place where I can attend a facility of higher education, blessed to have the ability to chose who I am married to, blessed that my baby is growing and thriving.

If there is anything that Layla Grace has cemented in my brain it has been to remember what things I am blessed for.

Pray for sweet Layla Grace. Pray for her family. And pass on her sweet name so that she will live forever.

Sleep is my friend

Thankfully my early first trimester sleeplessness is a thing of the past. Instead it has been replaced by exhaustion, even after 10 hours of sleep I still need a nap. I guess growing a baby is more work than I realized.

I never could have guessed that something the size of a lime could run my life for me. Everything from what and when I get to eat, to when and how long I get to sleep. And if I disagree with the Bambino and attempt to continue with my prepregnant lifestyle then I wind up praying to the porcelain gods or with the headache of a lifetime. Trust me, this kid is strong willed.

Today is my second visit with the high risk OB, it is just a regular check up and I am hoping to get some information about the Fibroid and the plan of action. I am hopeful that the projected outcome is optimistic. And I am scared out of my mind.

The other hope is that we are able to hear the heartbeat on the doppler today. But I am trying to keep in mind that it might not be possible yet, and I keep reminding myself not to freak out if they dont hear it. (SURE, that’ll happen.)

I will post an update later today, if The Baby lets me stay awake long enough.

A little lighter, but not much

After yesterdays deep conversation about abortion I though that I should lighten up the mood by talking about Nursing school. This did after all start as a nursing chronicle and has somehow drifted into a story of my
Life with an after school special about nursing.

I would like to talk about Nurses as unbiased educators and patient advocates. Right now I am taking a professional role development class that discussing the Nursing profession. We talk about burn out, nursing shortage, career options and career goals. It is a very interesting class.

While reading the text I came across the description I gave above. “unbiased, educators and advocates” that is what we should be aiming to achieve.

So what type of an example is it when a professor states sarcastically that “students in the past have had to go on antidepressants to get through school” (insert eye roll). This woukdnt offend me usually since it doesnt apply to me, but another student that I know of fits that phraise. She was also in the class and was strongly offended that the professor seemed to be judging her.

That is far from unbiased and actually seems quite dangerous to me. What if another student in that class stops taking their needed antidepressants because of that lecture? What if they kill themselves or someone else from the imbalance?

I think it simply comes down to knowing your audience. A classroom is not the place to be spewing your opinion. My tuition isnt paying for that, teach me what the book says and leave the rest for your friends.

Basically, I think that professor needs to go back and read the text. Just my opinion and since no one is paying me for their time, this is the appropriate outlet for it!

Prochoice versus prolife

I was watching the television last night and saw a commercial about prolife, I believe it was a religious commercial and it got me to thinking about my own beliefs.

I asked my facebook friends what their positions were and was given a wide range of opinions. I have a deeply weaved opinion of my own.

Basically I am prolife. The basic part is that I am prolife for myself, I dont deem to make the choice for others, but I know that I could never make the choice to end my pregnancy or to terminate this innocent life inside me. For other people, I am still certain that choosing to terminate your pregnancy is better than giving birth to a baby and abusing or neglecting it. I wont get into all the alternative options to abortion, because I know that every intelligent person knows that there are alternatives.

One of my girlfriends mentioned how her ultrasound changed her view on abortion. I have to agree. Watching the recent ultrasound and seeing Baby Bean roll, wiggle and wave his/her arms made the idea that there is a real life inside me so much more real. I dont know if many of the women who decide to abort get a chance to see their baby on ultrasound. I know that if it hadnt been for the ultrasounds that I have had, I would be so much less attached to Baby Bean. The visual images have made Baby Bean real, they have made me realize that I have a little person inside me.

Does this mean that I couldnt be supportive of a patient that chose to abort? Or a friend who felt that they didnt have any other choice? NO. I still believe in my heart that this is a decision that is best left to the parents of the baby. I could never begin to fathom the reasons for making this decision, but at the same time I have never walked in those shoes.

I know that there was a moment in time when I was going through my own dark time, dealing with a divorce, with school starting in a few weeks, and I thought that I may be pregnant. I remember thinking that I would never want to bring that mans child into the world, and that I would find some way to save that baby from being forced to have a Father like him.

The minutes that passed by waiting for that test to say the result were excruitating. Three minutes is a life time when you know you will have to deal with something horrible at the end of the buzzer. I weighed my options briefly and was sure that if it were positive I would choose to terminate the pregnancy, not so much for my own ease but to save the baby. Ironic, isnt it?

And now fast forward a couple years. I am married to a wonderful man and our baby is created out of love and want. This baby was no accident, it was planned, discussed, and prayed for. We feel blessed to get the opportunity to be a part of this childs life.

The basic conclusion to this post is that I can see both ways. And I know that when situations change people can change their minds, and suddenly options are opened up that may not have been.

So my amazing readers, what is your stance? Prolife or Prochoice?

10 weeks

How far along? 10 weeks (Although the newest ultrasound says 10 weeks 4 days)

Total weight gain/loss: +0, -1.5lbs so far

Maternity clothes?: Maternity pants, and starting to glance at maternity shirts. Mostly Im rocking the maternity jeans or sweat pants. Its oh so glamourous over here!

Stretch marks? None from baby

Sleep: Its all I want to do. I could sleep every second of the day, with breaks to potty of course!

Best moment this week: First was having hubby around for a couple days and hearing him read to the baby. Second was seeing the baby move on the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat again!

Worst Moment this week: The temporary freak out that ended up with an ER visit. Thanks to fibroid friend. Everything was fine, but still…it was scary.

Movement: Well….nothing specific. I saw the baby do back flips on the ultrasound this week, and I keep having weird “twinges” but nothing that I would call movement since I know it is likely a few more weeks for that.

Food cravings/aversions: I could still eat Taco Bell every single day. This week Ive spent more time praying to the porcelain gods than most drunks do, but as the wise men say “This too shall pass”

Belly Button in or out?: In for a long time. I happen to have a freakishly deep belly button.

Gender: Hubby and I are convinced its a boy. Dad and his Girlfriend say girl. Everyone else is split about 50/50.

What I miss: My complexion and my clothes.

What I am looking forward to: Seeing the doctor and finding out what the plan is for our Fibroid Friend.

Weekly Wisdom: Its ok to randomly out yourself to strangers, its the first step to admitting it to yourself. Thank you kind grocery teller for the congratulations! I really needed to hear it.

Milestones: Seeing the baby move and actually start to look like a baby.

Symptoms: Body aches and fatigue. Even my hair is tired! And I get winded after doing the simplest of things.

Happy Birthday to my sister

Today my baby sister turns 19! I can barely believe it. I remember 19 years ago coming to the hospital to visit her for the first time, and I knew then that my life would be changed forever.

It has been so interesting watching her grow and change. And I have to say that I love the relationship that we have right now.

TO my Little Bratty Sister,

Happy Birthday! I love you and I am so glad that your survived all those little attempts I made to send you back! I couldnt imagine my life without you in it. THank you for being my first kiddo, and letting me screw you up (it saves my kids!) I cant wait to see all the big changes you are going to make this year!

Happy 19th! I hope it is the best year yet and that all your wishes come true!

Love,

Your Big Evil Sister

Me as the gypsy holding my baby sister

Me holding my brand new baby sister just days after she was brought home!

When a photo is real…

Or better, when a photo makes things feel real. Thats how it felt when I saw the newest ultrasound. Crazy how a few images can make you catch your breath. There is a baby in my belly. A real, live, moving, heart beating baby. And we clearly saw it move, shake, wiggle, wave those little arm buds around and then listened to the sweet thud of its heart beat. Seriously that is the best sound in the universe.

I am a little disapointed that the Fibroid Friend (who shall remain nameless since I dont want it to stay) is still growing. Baby is measuring at about 1.5 inches and the Fibroid is 3 cm (2.54cm in an inch and that means that they are almost the same size). This is a vast increase from the last ultrasound where Fibroid was measuring just under 2cm. So assuming that it wasnt some measuring flaw last time (or this time) that means that the Dear Ole Fibroid has grown a serious amount in almost three weeks. This is annoying and concerning.

Atleast that explains the cramping Ive been having.

So what does this mean for Baby? Well, nothing for now. But if the Fibroid continues to grow and Baby continues to grow, it is going to be tight quarters in there towards the end. I have another appointment next week to discuss the ultrasound findings as well as to talk about the regular stuff. Ultimately Im trying to have faith that this will all work out.

As much as I am glad that this quarter it winding up and doesnt seem as time consuming as the last few, I almost wish I was doing my OB rotation now. I feel that I have such a better grasp of pregnancy and complications now, then I did in the fall quarter. Perhaps that is simply because of the amount of information I absorbed during lecture and now that I have the opportunity to put it into action it actually mean something. Maybe thats it.

Every day that goes by that I am blessed to be pregnant with this baby I believe more and more that my calling in life is to work in Womens health. I feel a drawing towards it. I feel like this is where I belong.

Are there moments in your life that make you feel drawn to something?

Nursing school midterm

I rocked my midterm. Only two little areas that she suggested I work on. I was thrilled! I am thrilled! It was the highlight to my yesterday.

I also finished and passed my final dosage exam! It was the absolute last one, and I am so happy that it is over.

This quarter is proving to be more challenging to me personally because of all the other things I spend worrying about. But academically I dont feel as pressured as I have in other quarters.

There are less than 4 months left until graduation and then its time for the BIG MOVE!

Random Ultrasound

Thanks to my adorable fibroid I got another chance to see the baby today!

I am measuring 10 weeks 2 days and am currently only 9 weeks 4 days.

The babies heart beat was 170 beats per minute and we saw him wave his arms around!

Fibroid friend is measuring 3 cm. And is causing some additional cramping.

All is well!

PICA

I think that I might need to call the doctor, I have a feeling that my iron may be low. With all the nausea and vomitting Im not getting nearly the amount of iron I was a few weeks ago. I also think that Im wasting my time with the prenatal vitamins because I wind up throwing them up before they can start to digest and absorb.

I noticed over the course of the past week that I cannot get enought ICE! All I want is to eat ice chip, ice cubes, ice water. I wasn’t overly concerned and figured it was just a pregnancy craving, but it seemed a little strange to be craving ice like that.

So I used Dr. Google and found that I probably have PICA. And that craving ice is most commonly connected to deficient iron in your diet. This wouldnt be concerning to me if it werent for the fact that I was already diagnosed as anemic.

PICA is a pattern or craving for non-food substances. I have heard of pregnant women craving things like dirt, chalk, grass, etc and these are all linked to specific deficiencies in the body. Interesting stuff.

PICA is not life threatening and is treatable and probably means that I am being a hypochondriac. But none the less, if it is possible that my iron levels are out of whack again then I should get them checked. And if it turns out that everything is fine then at least I am staying hydrated, right?

Dosage, midterm evals and the research paper

Today marks the quarterly dosage exam. For 5 quarters I freak out about this math test since I get horrible math anxiety and spend the week before it trying my hardest to relearn everything that I may have forgotten. Drop Factor, drip rate, Desired dose over dose on hand, etc. Every quarter I pass this exam with flying colors but spend days sick to my stomach about it.

This quarter is different. There are other things that seem so much bigger in the scheme of things (like dead babies, cramping, doctors appointments, and so on) so I studied a couple of hours but nothing like in previous terms. I take the test this afternoon so we will see if the new approach was effective. I feel pretty confident about it and I really hope that I did the right thing in maintaining my calm.

Tomorrow is my midterm eval for clinicals. I am really looking forward to this because I feel like I have been doing really well and really have the hang of assessment, diagnosis, planning, implementation, evaluation (ADPIE). I also feel like this quarter I have started to find my groove as a Nurse, I do my assessment in my own way. Its still systematic but instead of starting at the head, I start at the hands and got up and then back down to the feet. I feel that it gives the patient a little more “face” time with me before I start putting my hands on their heads. Im not saying its the best way to do things, but it works for me because I always start by shakking the patients hand and since I am there I can check pulses, cap refill, and strength. Im just happy that I found a way for me to make it work for me and still get all the neccessary things done. So I guess we will see tomorrow if my instructor feels like I am doing as well as I feel like Im doing.

I have a big research paper to work on this weekend. Not really excited about it, and even though I am still tossing back and forth about my topic I think I will just get on with it already. We were assigned the criteria to write the paper and the due date has to coincide with the topic we are discussing, and we get to pick the topic. I looked for interesting Neuro topics, but when the Neuro material was being lectured I was so busy with other things that I couldnt get it together. So we are now talking about Hematological stuff and I noticed that we didnt cover Hemochromatosis.

I had a coworker of mine who was diagnosed with Hemochromatosis a few years ago and I remember hearing and thinking how interesting it was. So I started looking into it and I think it would be worthy of my topic. Hemochromatosis an inherited condition where you absorb too much iron from food and it builds up in your blood. The excess iron causes damage to your liver, heart and pancreas and can lead to cancers, heart or liver disease and even death.

Interesting, right?

I think I find it the most interesting because I am iron deficient, and so the thought of having too much iron is facinating to me.

Alright, back to studying…..

And no alcohol?!

First I want to say how wonderful my trip to Chicago was! It was seriously amazing! I guess I didnt realize how much I missed my Husband until I got a couple days with him. Saying goodbye was so hard this time. But it was so nice to spend the weekend being showered with kisses.

And now on to my gripe: my flight home. I swear to all that is holy I always have bad flight luck. Last night was no different. When I boarded the plane there was a man sitting in the aisle seat and a small boy in the middle seat. I just assumed that they were together until I sat down in my window seat. Shortly after I sat down the man in the aisle rang the call light and asked the flight attendant to ask the boy to stop kicking his seat. Ok, now it is apparent that the child is flying unaccompanied.

Its a four hour flight and the kid has nothing to do but annoy the two adults sitting around him (one of which was me!) during the flight he wiggled, squirmed, pushed my volume button (I was trying to watch the Micheal Jackson movie) unplugged my headphones, leaned over and raised the blinds, kicked me, asked for some of my snack and just generally annoyed the f*ck outta me.

If this had been 3 months ago I would have just ordered some Vodka or Rum and made myself a VERY strong drink and zonked out for the flight. But now being preggo I am boozeless! And extremely exhausted since I had planned on napping during the flight.

On another topic though, what type
Of parents would send their six year old unaccompanied AND without activities?! What type of morons are they? Did they expect that the rest of the passengers would entertain him?

Luckily he was removed from the flight first so I didnt have the opportunity to ask his guardians that exact question.

Ok…now back to our regularly scheduled whining.

Happy First Anniversary!!

Today marks one glorious year of marriage to the most amazing man in the universe.

Its obvious to most that we decided to get married on Valentines day. And we get asked by many people why we chose that day, so here is my reasoning…. Both my husband and I feel that love should be expressed every day and so should appreciation so neither of us have a particular use for Valentines day. And We wanted a day that was memorable, so we chose Valentines.

Other benefits to being married on this day are that there are tons of sales on Jewelry and flowers and men are bombarded by sales ads reminding them to buy their sweethearts THINGS. For women its a little harder since for
Some reason Valentines is all about buying women gifts.

We spent our anniversary very
Low key. The night before we attempted to enjoy a luxurious restaurant with great reviews. I say attempted because I was unable to enjoy much since BB was not in the mood for food. Today we spent the day exploring Legoland and did some shopping for maternity clothes and then saw the movie Its Valentines Day. Great movie! Oh and we had an amazing lunch at Maggiano’s!

The best part of the day was having my Hubby all to myself and getting to have some great laughs!

Happy anniversary my love! Here’s to another 50 of newlywed bliss!!

9 Weeks

How far along? 9 weeks (according to the most recent ultrasound)

Total weight gain/loss: +0.5, -1.5lbs so far

Maternity clothes?: And back to the maternity pants I go. They are so much more comfortable! Bloat is horrible and gets worse as the day goes on!

Stretch marks? None from the baby

Sleep: Sleep is so much better now that I got a snoogle! What an excellent purchase! And worth every penny!

Best moment this week: Getting Cloth Diapers in the mail. And researching baby stuff.

Movement: My waist band is moving (from bloat mostly at this point)

Food cravings/aversions: Taco Bell burritos. Seriously I could eat this every single day!

Belly Button in or out?: In for a long time!

Gender: Since the begining Hubby and I have thought that Baby Bean is a boy. After this week and all the crying I have to say that I am even more convinced that he is a he. My Father thinks that the baby is a girl. Oh well, only 31 weeks to wait to find out!

What I miss: Wine. I wanted a glass of wine so bad this week. And chocolate, since it gaggs me now.

What I am looking forward to: Hearing Hubby read to the baby!

Weekly Wisdom: If you feel like crying, cry. 

Milestones: Baby is a FETUS!

Symptoms: Exhaustion and moody. Ive had a bit of a short temper this week and have been quick to get frustrated. And nauseas ALOT!!

Priceless

Flying to Chicago…$376

Four course candlelit anniversary dinner for two….$100

Pulling over In the snow to let your wife puke….priceless

Sometimes you just have to stop and laugh. Let the good times roll!

5 weeks since my last kiss

It has been 5+ weeks since I have had the pleasure of seeing my Husband. Today I am walking out the door and heading to the airport to go visit him in snowy and cold Chicago!

I get an entire weekend of his undivided attention and pampering! Yipppeee!

Sadly, after this weekend it will be another month until I see him again. He will be home for BB’s NT scan ultrasound and then will be heading to Our new home in NewCity. So many changes on the horizon and we are trying to figure out a trip to El Salvador and Canada before we move. Busy times ahead!

I will be posting pictures….

Just one more night

Tomorrow Im leaving on a jet plane and heading off to the Windy City to see my husband. Sometimes I feel like these vacations are the military equivilant of a conjugal visit. Im not complaining, it always feels like another honeymoon.

And speaking of honeymoon, our first anniversary is this weekend! We will be celebrating it with a nice dinner at Chicagos famous Firehouse! Im so excited! This restaurant was featured on the food networks “Great Eats”!

Anyone from Chicago? Any suggestions of things to do out there?

As for today I just have to survive the rest of clinicals and take an online quiz and write two papers before I can leave. No problem right?

Thinking and hoping and planning and dreaming….

Yesterday I put in my graduation application. Yes, it is that close. There are only four months left until I am finished with this step of my education. I am still having a hard time believing that it is almost over. There are 5 weeks left to this term and then next term is just mentorship. Its all downhill from here, right?

And with the end in sight I am having a horrible amount of senioritis. Im burned out, tired, and incredibly frustrated. Im sure that a small portion of it is that I am pregnant and my patience is very thin, but a large amount of it is the continued lack of understanding and organization from my program.

I thought that it had gotten better, hence my lack of complaining about it. But the truth is that I have just gotten used to it. Sadly the school has pulled a fast one again. We were all sent an email late last week notifying us of a “mandatory” seminar on Friday. This wouldnt be a problem except that at the begining of the term we were told that this would be  a long weekend for us, four days, so I planned to fly out to see my Hubby for out anniversary (and long weekend). The tickets are purchased and there is no changing the plans now.

The part that is the most frustrating to me is that I would have liked to have gone to the seminar. Our school is hosting Betty Neuman (Yes THE Betty Neuman). Nurse Neuman is the pioneer of Nursing Mental Health. Her involvement in Nursing is nearly as deeply rooted as Florence Nightingale (in my opinion). So you can see how it would have been interesting to get to participate with a woman so amazing and so passionate about Nursing.

But due to my schools lack of coordination and notice, I cannot go.

Dont get me wrong, I really want to see my Hubby, and I wouldnt miss our anniversary for the world. But at the same time, if I had known about this event earlier then I could have planned on taking a later flight and then gotten the best of both worlds.

*Sigh* I guess I just set my goals to high. I need to lower my expectations of the school so that they can meet them, and then I wont be so frustrated.

Have you ever met anyone famous?

Emotions running wild

Somedays I think that I should just lock myself indoors and hide from the world. Days like today when the hormones take over and I wind up sobbing like a fool over and over again. These are the days when I wish I could have a do over.

Today I was mean to my husband. This is not something I proud of. I have the most amazing and forgiving husband, he understands when I have my emotional moments and is patient until I touch back down to reality. I was in the wrong completley and I over reacted to something petty in a way that is not typical of me. My behavior was unacceptable and I was more than willing to apologize. I am in awe that this man is so forgiving and is so willing to love me even with my flaws.

I am so blessed to have a group of friends who even when I start sobbing in the middle of a department store (or while on the phone) dont think Im nuts. They are comforting and compassionate. I dont know what I would do without my friends, they have been my back bone through these surges of emotion.

Im beyond amazed at the power of these hormones. They have the power to turn the most simple phraise into a “murder threat” a simple “I love you” into an accusation. And they have the ability to make me feel like I am going completley insane. And that is how I felt yesterday.

Yesterday I cried when the sales lady showed me a crib with a little drawer underneath to hold sheets and blankets. The sales lady was explaining it all to me when I suddenly started sobbing and had a horrible rush of anxiety. All of a sudden all the positive steps Ive made these last weeks of buying baby things and thinking about the positive outcome of this pregnancy were washed away because of crib sheets.

Was it the sheets? No. It was the thought of baby vomit on sheets. There is nothing cute about that. Nothing cliche or romantic. They are real life. Crib sheets arent like a baby onesie that can be shown off and be adorable. No one shows off the spare crib sheets. Crib sheets are what people who are going to have real live babies need. Everyone else gets onesies.

Crib sheets are a perfect metaphor for the anxiety I am feeling about Baby Bean. They were the catalyst in yesterdays freak out. I am trying my hardest to stay positive and not to get dragged into this cycle of negativity, and most of the time I can focus on being positive and loving the time I do get with Baby Bean. Yesterday was not one of those days, I was not in my finest moment, and I am not proud of how I behaved.

And even with all of that I am trying to move forward and count my blessings. I am loved by an amazing man who even with my flaws allows me to be me. I have friends that support me even when I being insane. I have family that brings me back to earth when I am floating around into the outter space of craziness.

My life is good. And today I will try my hardest to remember that.

Forced to participate

Today is Nurse Legislative day at the Capital. Like last year, my school has made attending this event mandatory. There is no option, and failure will result if you do not attend as it is considered an unexcused absence.

Last year I felt that this day was a general waste of time. Not because I think that the positions arent valid nor because I think that Nurses shouldnt be participating in the important legislative meetings. But I think that forcing students who have so many other things to do to participate in a political function is wrong. Not to mention that we were required to pay for this and drive roughly 80 miles to get to the function.

Those two fact alone can make this event overwhelming for students. I have a huge exam tomorrow, and I would much rather have spent the time studying than listening to political figures talk about their views.

Its just frustrating. Incredibly. Does your school require you to participate in these type of events? What do you think about being forced to participate in political functions?

8 weeks

How far along? 8 weeks (according to the most recent ultrasound)

Total weight gain/loss: +0.5, -2.0lbs so far

Maternity clothes?: Again back to the old pants and they are just getting roomier. But I just cant sleep without a bra to contain the huge girls!

Stretch marks? None from the baby

Sleep: Currently sleeping as much as I can. I really can sleep anywhere now and I can sleep anytime. In fact about an hour after I wake up I am ready for a nap.

Best moment this week: Seeing the baby again and hearing the heartbeat on the ultrasound! It was the best noise I have ever heard in my entire life!

Movement: Cramping still off and on throughout the day.

Food cravings/aversions: This changes daily. Earlier this week I wanted steak, now meat makes me nauseas. This changes from moment to moment. Funny craving of the week is saltines with peanut butter!

Belly Button in or out?: In for a long time!

Movement?: Nothing yet. Although there are times when the uterine cramping makes me think I feel something, but it is WAAAY to early to feel the baby move!

What I miss: My husband. This week I have been very emotional and I just wish that he was here to hug. Only another week and then we can see each other.

What I am looking forward to: My NT scan in a month. I cant wait!

Weekly Wisdom: There is nothing wrong with freaking out a little! Just remember to take a deep breath.

Milestones: Hearing the heartbeat!

Symptoms: Exhaustion and moody. Ive had a bit of a short temper this week and have been quick to get frustrated. And nauseas ALOT!!

Week 8 here we come! Grow baby Grow!