Archive for May, 2010
Memorial Day
I think that after having a spouse serve in Iraq I have a greater appreciation for
Memorial day.
A few years ago I had the priveledge of going to Arlington Cemetary. I was able to observe the changing of the guard at the tomb of the unknown soldier, I saw the sea of headstone markers, and I cried.
But it wasnt until my own Husband was deployed that I really felt the full force of the sacrafice our men and women make for their country.
There is no way to not feel it when I am saying goodbye to him and sending him off whether it be to sea or to shore, and I see the look in his eyes. He wants to be here, but needs to be there.
And I know that others have paid with the ultimate sacrafice, their lives and my families service may seem minimal in comparison. But I cant help but feel a sense of pride when I hear the national anthem, my heart swells when I see the flag flying high.
To all the men and women who serve our country, Thank you! To all the lives that have been lost defending our freedom, thank you. And a special thank you to all the spouses, children and family members who support their loved ones while they are serving, they couldnt do it without us!
Happy Memorial Day everyone!
It went perfectly.
Somedays are so close to perfect that you feel like you need to be pinched. Yesterday was one of those. The only thing that could have made yesterday better was if my Hubby was home.
Instead I started my day out with a delivery of flowers from my amazing hubby! He also ordered my the ENTIRE series of Daria. (Am I the only one who watched this show on MTV back in the late 90′s?) I was a little shocked that he even remembered that I liked the show!! Such a great guy!
My Son even remembered my birthday by allowing me to sleep and also by staying snuggled in all day with no cramping or pain. (I had a little spotting at the end of the day, but that was minimal!) And he was active enough that I didnt have to worry that something was wrong. What a great Kid!
My parents took me out for my favorite lunch at the whole foods market. I had that largest salad I have ever seen and some of my favorite pasta salad, it was delicious and exactly what I was craving.
After lunch they surprised me by ordering the Glider and ottoman that Ive been coveting! Thanks Mom and Dad!!
And then after dinner (forgot to take a picture!) we had my favorite cake! Black forest cake!
Happy Birthday to ME!
Dont worry, I made sure to have a piece of cake for each and every one of you! Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes!!
Now what type of cake do you LOOOOOOOOVE?
And it all began 26 years ago….
Yes, its my birthday. This year will be tame, and relaxed and exactly the way that I like it! The only thing missing is my hubby. Seriously. Last year he came home from Iraq for my birthday, it was amazing. I knew that I wouldnt always get that lucky….
I was sitting here (On couch rest people, I do ALOT of sitting) thinking about all my past birthdays. From the Barbie on Ice days of the late 80′s to the rocking days in Vegas. And I feel like each years birthday has been a reflection of the year ahead. Last year the birthday made the entire year pleasant and relaxed.
So now I wonder what this year ahead holds? This year I will hopefully find myself holding a bouncing bundle of cloth diaper, nursing my baby, reuniting with my husband, moving abroad, and hopefully finally finishing my Nursing degree.
26 came way to fast. It was like the entire year was in fast forward, I blinked and missed an entire year. Do all the years pick up that quickly?
And yesterday I said goodbye to my early twenties, Im officially in my LATE twenties now. One year older, one year of experiences under my belt, one year of joys to celebrate, one year of disapointments to let go of, an entire year passed.
Its hard to believe Im 26. I look in the mirror and still feel 14. When am I supposed to start feeling grown up?
What is your favorite birthday memory?
Random and really dumb.
Whether you are fertility challenged, fertile, childless or child abundant there are always people around who feel the need to make smart ass statements. I am not niave enough to think that I am immune from those comments, and yet every time I am hit with them I am shocked.
A few days ago I was involved in a conversation with a friend who was asking me about the details of my pregnancy complications with Nolan. I explained in common terms and was upbeat about how blessed we are that things are going so positively. She then says “so, I guess this will be your only child,huh?!”
I am still flabbergasted. I asked her why she jumped to that conclusion and her comment was that “she couldnt imagine someone willingly subjecting their bodies to this torture again”.
I just dont understand how someone feels that it is their right to comment about our choices to or not to have more children. That should be a choice that is between my Husband and I, and no one else.
There was another lady, I will refer to her as Lola (to protect her privacy) who felt that she needed to express her disapointment with our choice to get pregnant while I was still in school. This woman was not family and was not even MY friend, but felt the need to spread her toxic word vomit on me and my newly pregnant joy.
I just dont understand people.
On a different note, I have been working on a cross stitch mural for Mr. NoNo’s room. I have about 1/3 of the way done and thought I would share my progress!
What type of crafts do you do?
The good, the bad, and the…hormonal?!
From the beginning, the good. So the good is that yesterday was amazing! Reaching Viability was such a huge milestone for us. Not just because it means something for a pregnancy but also because 4 weeks ago we didnt think we would make it this far. And now we are doing so well! It also marks four weeks of bedrest. We celebrated with friends (with Doctors permission!) by going to dinner. Dinner was wonderful and I felt so blessed to have such wonderful people surrounding us to celebrate.
The bad…I felt like crap after the activities of yesterday. Cramping, achy and just uncomfortable. So I crawled my butt into bed put my feet up and here there I stayed all evening. Today it will be back to the norm of “couch” chillin’.
The Hormonal… Yesterdays festivities were broken up with reminders of the halt in my Nursing school career. My Pin for the pinning ceremony arrived and I managed to keep my composure until a moment alone and then I lost it. Cancelling my graduation was painful. But when things like this arrive I feel like its salt in the wound.
Now please dont anyone think I am not aware of how lucky I am. I wouldnt want anything to happen to Nolan but i just wish I could have my cake and eat it to.
I just feel like I am so stressed about not thinking negative thoughts or dwelling on what should have been for fear of jinxing how great things are going that I just cant breath.
At what point in pregnancy did you feel like you could exhale?
VIABILITY!! 24 weeks!
How far along? 24 glorious and amazing weeks!
Total weight gain/loss: Up 3 lbs now from my prepregnancy weight. Thats not horrible, right? 3lbs in 24 weeks?
Maternity clothes?: All maternity all the time.
Stretch marks? Yes. And now there are a ton more appearing…
Cervical Length?: 3.0-3.6cm and cerclage intact.
Labor signs: No THANK GAWD! But I have begun to experience Braxton Hicks.
Medications?: Prenatals and Zantac. Nothing else for now!
Sleep: Im exhausted. I barely sleep because every time I lay down the baby decides its time to go and play hacky sac!
Best moment this week: Going to ANOTHER appointment and getting great news! Bed rest and the cerclage are working like a charm!
Worst Moment this week: The sporadic spotting…it freaks me out. After spending every day of the first trimester worrying about seeing blood and then now seeing it I sobbed. (**TURNED out to be nothing but irritation to the cervix from the cerclage placement)
Movement: Lots of movement, especially when I am trying to sleep. My Mom, Dad and sister have all gotten to feel the baby kick now!
Food cravings/aversions: String Cheese, cant get enough! (Two bags in since last Wednesday!)
Belly Button in or out?: Still an innie, but its getting even shallower!
Gender: All boy!
What I miss: Being able to see my feet, being able to bend and pick things up, and going to the pool.
What I am looking forward to: Every single day that I get to be this amazing little persons Mama.
Weekly Wisdom: As lame as it sounds….Everything happens for a reason.
Milestones: VIABILITY!! Only 12 weeks until the cerclage can be removed. Good news at the doctors office. Braxton hicks contractions starting, and baby kicks being able to be felt from the outside!
Symptoms: Sore muscles, achy belly butto, cramping, lots of movement and heart burn.
The power of prayer, and modern medicine!
Appt this morning was fabulous!! Dr.amazing did a quick speculum exam and my cervix and cerclage look great. He also did a vaginal ultrasound.
Now Ive had quite a few run ins with the dildocam during this pregnancy, but this time was different.
I was holding my breath, waiting for some bad news. Since I always seem to be up in stirrups when I get the bad news. And…Dr. Amazing smiled and announced that my cervix is now sitting at a beautiful 3.0-3.6cm!!
Nolan is head down, heart rate of 130 (he was sleeping) and looks beautiful. Fluid levels are normal.
Im still on “couch rest” and although this is excellent news, it is all because of the cerclage. If the cerclage was to be removed or fail my cervix would still be around 0.4-0.6cm. But its holding and doing great now!!
I blurted out (while in stirrups with dildocam still inside) “Dr. Amazing I could Kiss you!” lol
He looked at me like I was nuts!! And said “you could but in this position its a little inappropriate, and my wife wouldnt approve!”
We all laughed!
Im so happy I could do a jig! (but wont!)
Thank you everyone!!
I survived…and baby shower stuff
The 3 hour glucose tolerance test was just as horrible as it was four weeks ago. This time I didnt start to feel
Sick until after I ate.
I wound up with headache and the shakes all afternoon. After a nap and like 3 meals Im finally feeling back to normal.
Now Im tempting fate by working with my Mom to address my modified baby shower invitations. The event is supposed to be in two weeks, and last time we all know what happened.
Im keeping my fingers (and legs) crossed that Nolan stays put so that we can enjoy and celebrate the event.
Tell me about your baby shower? Favorite events? Best gift? What did you give as a party favor?
3 hour stab fest coming right up
Since I enjoyed the last 3 hour glucose tolerance test so very much, I am doing it again.
I dont know if I mentioned that I passed by a mere 1 point, so the Doctor has been nice enough to allow me to participate in such a phenomenal event AGAIN.
Im starving already and its the butt crack of dawn, I still have a couple hours before I can go to the lab to get this show started. Now here I sit, hungry with Nolan shaking and moving.
Last time I ended up shakey and sick all day after the test, Im really hoping that today goes better. I will post when I get home, after I eat everything in sight of course.
What did you have for breakfast?
Navy wives do it better
Growing up as a Navy brat I always said I would never marry into the military. I avoided dating military guys, I wanted to hve the ability to plant roots in a way I didnt get to as a child.
I wanted some consistency. And here I sit nearing another birthday married to an amazing man, who also happens to be Navy.
In the time since we started dating he has spent 2/3 of it away. Much of that time he has been in a different country than me.
I guess you just dont have a choice about who you fall in love with. And I have no regrets, but I have learned alot.
Being married to the military means learning to do things without your spouse. It means dealing with the scary times without the comfort of his arms. It means sleeping alone.
But the one thing that I love about it is that when he comes home it is the greatest feeling in the world. The first kiss after a deployment feels like the first kiss ever. Its amazing to get the opportunity to fall back in love with my husband.
But now comes a new chapter, being a Navy Mom. My child will be born into loving arms, surrounded by loving faces, they just wont be the loving arms of his father.
How do I make sure that my son knows his father from birth? Does anyone have creative ideas?
Nolan wear courtesy of Aunt EvilOne part 2
Sooo adorable!! She is in the
Process of making an entire wardrobe of onesies for Mr. NoNo. This one has got to be my favorite so far!!
When you say nothing at all
Im rotating between a dark place and pure joy that I am still carrying my son. I have alot of guilt over my bodies failures and yet I am so glad that so far Nolan seems unbothered by any of this.
I feel selfish when I miss Nursing school or when I am mourning the delay of my graduation because I can think of a dozen people who woukd give anything to be sitting here and pregnant.
I feel alone and yet so supported. My own thoughts are so loud without the chaos of my life to drown them out. I focus on the ramblings of my mind and then get swept away.
Im not trying to sound ungreatful. Not at all. I am so happy that I get this opportunity to be able to feel this baby growing inside me. I feel blessed that he is so healthy. I am amazed at the ability of the doctors to keep me pregnant even when my body is done. Im just….thoughtful. Im like a walking oxymoron.
No one ever expects this. But this is not what I had planned. And as my good friend would remind me “People plan and God laughs”.
I guess its good to really remember who is in control. But sometimes its hard.
What sayings inspire you?
Bedrest fashion 101
Yes, pairing adorable maternity shirt with green monkey pajama bottoms is acceptable while on bedrest. And since I can no longer see over my ginormo-boobs and definitly cant see my legs or feet, so the fact it doesnt match doesnt bother me.
What you cant see is that my socks are also two different colors. Again, since I cant see them it doesnt matter.
And just because I am all about true and fair documentation, I felt the need to show everyone the amazing style that occurs when you have no where to go.
Face it, this is bedrest in the Tiffany Household.
But atleast I showered!
Its not fair
No one should have to lose a baby. No One.
No one should join the club.
Please stop by HERE and offer some love to this amazing family for their loss of their son at 16 weeks.
Its just not fair. The club is full, there is shouldnt be any more members.
They will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight. Please let them be in yours. Love your kiddos, rub your bumps, and pray that they will be able to find some peace.
Welcome, my name is Apu
After my appointment this week we drove by this little joyful snack station. I didnt see Apu or Spiderpig but I did see some guys who looked like they were straight out of the Simpsons show.
If it hadnt been for the scary appearance of the place and my “bedrest” limitations, I might have gone in looking for a squishee.
Am I the only one who finds this hilarious? Im still laughing!!
He may be gone but I know he cares
Im blessed by many things, but the one that sticks out is the fact that I am so loved by my Husband. He is stationed in Japan, where I was supposed to be headed. I havent seen him since March and he hasnt been able to be here for all the scary stuff going on.
Really, I feel bad for him. I can only imagine how helpless it makes him feel being so far away while Nolan and I are going through so much.
We all know how hard it is to deal with a “normal” pregnant person, but now add bedrest and additional stress of a high risk pregnancy and I am not always the nicest person. I get bitchy, I get snarky, and sometimes he winds up the victim of these hormonal rages. It is a flaw and something I am working hard to change.
And yet he makes sure that even when he cant be here to wrap his arms around me and make me feel better, I still feel his love. He still makes me smile daily.
Yesterday I recieved a delivery of flowers and a special note. The Lillies and Roses have the house smelling beautiful! And now that I have all this time at home, I am truly enjoying them!
Then if he wasnt already in the lead for husband of the year, he gave me the Coach diaper bag that I had been coveting!
I still miss him like crazy. But it sure makes me feel good to know that he is thinking of me!
How does your spouse let you know that you are loved?
23 weeks!! One week to viability!
How far along? 23 weeks!
Total weight gain/loss: Not sure, will weigh in next week.
Maternity clothes?: All maternity all the time.
Stretch marks? Yes. Thanks to my genetics….no amount of lotion will prevent them.
Cervical Length?: 2.2cm with cerclage intact.
Labor signs: Still alot of cramping but that would be courtesy of my irritable uterus.
Medications?: Prenatals. Nothing else for now.
Sleep: Im exhausted. I sleep for an hour or two at a time but then I need a bathroom break.
Best moment this week: Seeing Nolan on the ultrasound again, realizing how much I love my son. Getting excellent news after a ton of bad. Getting to be pregnant with him for another day! Announcing to everyone that we are having a boy. Revealing his name!
Worst Moment this week: Spending three nights in the hospital, being told my baby may not survive, having a cerclage placed, and being terrified. Changing our plans because we were afraid that we may not be pregnant for much longer, therefor revealing his name and gender.
Movement: I have some movement throughout the day, with the active time varying. He is now foot down again!
Food cravings/aversions: Nothing really this week. Subway sandwiches sound really appealing.
Belly Button in or out?: Mis-shapen innie still….and my scar from my belly button piercing is really showing! And my belly button is sore now…
Gender: All boy!
What I miss: Being a “normal” pregnant woman. Having more faith that baby will be born in September. Not being on “couch” rest. Not being scared, or worried about every little thing.
What I am looking forward to: Reaching viability and getting closer to 28 weeks. Every single day that I get to be pregnant with my son.
Weekly Wisdom: People plan and God laughs. HE has his own plans for us.
Milestones: One week until viability!! A marker that two weeks ago we didnt think would be achievable. Baby weighs more than a pound!
Symptoms: Sore muscles, achy abdomen, cramping, lots of movement and heart burn.
(**The above picture is my while I was sitting on the toco monitor. Please forgive the startlingly white belly, and say “hi” to the stretch mark!)
If turned to when, and then I sobbed.
At yesterdays appointment I was given awesome news. It was fabulous news. But nothing was as good as seeing the faces of the doctors as they were giving me the good news.
There was no more mention of “if” I achieve viability. No more mention of “if” the cerclage works. There was talk of “when” I reach 36 weeks they will remove the cerclage. The doctor said that “when” I go into labor she thinks it will be very quick (please remind me of this in September!). And the best part was that the doctor said “when” Nolan is born they will be happy to complete the overseas screening for us BOTH so we can join my Hubby in Japan.
All those “ifs” dissapeared and were replaced with “whens”. It was amazing. I cried tears of joy. Tears of relief. And tears of disbelief.
I know that there are alot of days and weeks between now and Nolan’s due date, but just knowing that we are in a safer zone makes me breathe a little easier.
I saw my son on the ultrasound again today. He is now feet down and tap dancing on my bladder (he kicked so hard I even peed a little!). He had a heart rate of 152bpm and looked beautiful.
Yesterday my prayers were answered. I can only imagine what a special child Nolan must be to have gained the love, support and prayers from so many. His life has reminded me of the beauty of humanity. A lesson I wont forget.
Thank you all for following our journey. Thank you for helping shape our outcome. Thank you!
Appointment update
Cervix now 2.2cm! Almost double whats its been in 3 weeks.
Cerclage is intact and holding strong! Nolan is still very much a boy with a heart rate of 152bpm and is now feet down.
What a wonderful appointment. The only tears shed were tears of joy. Im gonna stop off for some ice cream on our way home to celebrate.
My prayers are answered and I feel a little sigh of relief. I know that I am by no way out of the woods, but it feels so good to know that this intervention has so far been effective. Now if it will just hold up for another 14-16 weeks!
Thank you everyone! Praise God!
Appointment update
Cervix now 2.2cm! Almost double whats its been in 3 weeks.
Cerclage is intact and holding strong! Nolan is still very much a boy with a heart rate of 152bpm and is now feet down.
What a wonderful appointment. The only tears shed were tears of joy. Im gonna stop off for some ice cream on our way home to celebrate.
My prayers are answered and I feel a little sigh of relief. I know that I am by no way out of the woods, but it feels so good to know that this intervention has so far been effective. Now if it will just hold up for another 14-16 weeks!
Thank you everyone! Praise God!
Pre-appointment jitters- part 2
Do “normal” pregnant women look forward to doctors appointments? Because I feel terrified before each appointment. I dont look forward to the ultrasounds, I find little joy at the doctors office.
For me, the doctors office represents a place of terror. It is the place where I have cried, sobbed and felt sucker punched by my body. It is the bearer of bad news.
Now I know that there is worse news that I could have recieved, and although that fact should bring me comfort, it instead makes me fear that I will be told that news next.
I am trying to stay positive, really. But after the last few weeks of bad news I just dont know how much more my nerves and heart can take.
I am trying to enjoy every second with Nolan. Trying to think positive thoughts for him.
Im keeping my fingers crossed that this is a completley uneventful appointment. I will post in a few hours after I know
Something.
The start of his stuff…
Babies bring out the shoppers in everyone. My Mom bought a bassinett for Nolan last week and I mentioned that my beautiful diaper bag came in. So when we got home this weekend from the hospital stay we decided to put the bassinett together. (We being my Mom and Dad, I sat and observed!)
Papa putting together Nollie's bassinett
Grandma and the finished product
All put together, and in NO hurry for baby boy!
Nolan's bassinett, teddy bear and diaper bag!
There is plenty of controversy about putting together baby items. Some people in my situation say it is better to wait, others say “just do it”. I guess I fall in the later catergory, Ive decided that everything will be ok (at least that is how I feel right now!) and I am not going to jinx anything by having his things put together.
When did you start getting ready for baby?
The name question
Having only ever chosen names for my dogs, I found that it was much more difficult to pick a name for a person. I love names, I think they just define who you are. I can picture a person once Ive heard their name. Maybe its just me. But I had criteria. The name had to be serious enough to be an adult name, but either cute enough to fit a toddler or have a nickname that would allow us to shorten the name. It had to flow well with our last name and I just had to fall in LOVE with it right away.
I didnt want a name that was too common or too strange. No Apples or Moses names for us, thank you very much. (Not that those are bad names, just not my taste!)
So shortly after conception we started seriously looking at names. We really loved the name Liam and so we looked up the meaning and found that it meant “Ruler of the south”. At the bottom it gave other names with similar meaning or origin and it had listed the name Nolan. Nolan means “Ruler of the North”. When we first found out we were pregnant and the doctors were concerned that I may have been having twins we tossed back and forth the idea of naming twins Nolan and Liam. But Liam became our second choice name and Nolan became our favorite. When I closed my eyes and pictured our son, I saw him as Nolan. I dont know how to explain it, but from the moment the name flowed off my tongue it was the “perfect” name for us. The hubby loved it and we were decided.
Now for middle names…. My middle name is a combination of my Maternal and Paternal grandmothers middle names. My husbands middle name is the same as his fathers. We wanted to follow some sort of family significance with the middle name. After running through the list of family names and tossing out the ones that wouldnt flow, sounded funny, or just werent “right” we came across Andres.
Andres was my Husbands Maternal Uncle who passed away when he was little from an illness. He is well known as “El Nino” around the family and is remembered, thought of and loved. This meant so much to me because it isnt very common for the deceased to be thought of and spoken of so much, especially one who passed away 50+ years ago. It touched me. And Andres means Andrew, which was another of our favorites.
And so….Nolan Andres it is. Our son, our child. Our Nolan.
How did you pick your childrens names?
The discharge and homecoming
Yesterday was wonderful, a beautiful PNW Saturday. And a day to thank God for. Another day to be pregnant with my amazing son. The MFM doctor was nice enough to come in today to discharge me instead of having me meet the weekend doctor team. Dr.T showed up and we talked about my cramping, spotting and fetal movements. She gave me the option of staying an extra night just for my psychological well being, or going home. We discussed the options and since neither of us could see a reason for me to stay we both agreed I would go home.
I was instructed to go back to a modified bedrest. She does NOT want me laying in bed all day because she worries that with my luck I would end up with a DVT (blood clot), so instead I am instructed to “couch” rest it until Monday and then we will re-evaluate my abilities. Ideally she would like me to do some very slow walking until week 28 to prevent deconditioning, but she wants to be very cautious as my cervix is only 0.6cm. Personally I am not sure I feel comfortable doing much more than walking to the bathroom. But we will see as I get further along and things are looking good.
Things I am absolutely not allowed to do are: running, lifting, squatting, baths (due to infection risk), and anything that causes cramping. I need to listen to my body, if I start to hurt I need to stop. Im nervous because if the cerclage fails then there arent any other options for me.
Anyhow…as we were heading back to the car (me in a wheelchair) my Dad was nice enough to push me around the lake so I could get some fresh air and see the water fowl. What we saw just made my entire day!
Canadian geese and their babies!
Do you see all the babies? They were wandering around and starting to get annoyed at us. But gosh they were cute!
Another shot of the family of Geese!
The Mama and Papa geese were hissing at us, so we decided to continue on around the lake and see the next surprise…
The lake and my hospital.
Do you see those two white specks in the back? Well, I could see this from my room and really wanted to get a closer look.
THE SWAN!!
While I stayed on the path in the wheelchair my Dad headed onto the grass to get a closer picture of the swan. I cant even tell you how much this made me smile. I just feel like the swans are good luck. They seem to just provide me comfort that things will be ok, Nolan will be fine. And regardless of how silly that sounds, it makes me feel better.
After the walk (wheel chair ride) we headed back to the house and I was exhausted. I never would have imagined that a simple car ride would exhaust me so much.
And now I am back home, and snuggled in bed taking it easy. Follow up appointments on Monday with the MFM and the High Risk OB.
Thank you everyone….I cant say it enough. I dont know how to describe what all the positive comments have meant. I cried reading them all, I dont know if there is any way to thank you enough.
From us all HUGE THANKS!
