Military annoyances

Ugh… Scheduling my move and its far from easy. The military has the most non user friendly system known to
Man.

After three hours of playing with it we still havent gotten it figured out. Starting to feel like the world is conspiring against me to prevent me from
Moving.

Will post more tomorrow when I am feeling more “technogically savy”.

Did you hear about the Morgans?

Holy cow talk about a real moment! In this movie there is a dialect about how they were trying to get pregnant. Not to give too many details but…. Wow! Talk about a real moment.

So all my Mama’s and Mama’s to be, sound off… How long have you been trying or tried? What made you decide to start trying when you did? And have considered adoption?

For us…my fertility woes go back to
my previous relationship so all in all from the first loss its been a few years.

The Sailor and I decided to start trying as soon as we got married. It was kinda a deal we made with each other.

We would love to adopt! Preferrably from El Salvador in the near future.

Friendship struggles

My friends Mom passed away last week. It was sad to hear thatshe passed but at the same time it was good to know that she is finally at peace.

Unfortunetly her passing has been really hard for my friend. She is struggling. And I cant seem to help. It seems that I keep saying the wrong thing.

And it seems that she is pushing me away. This is really hard for me. I know this is hard for her, and I feel like I am giving her everything i have, which really isnt much since the baby and hubby kinda take all I have. So the concept of her 1) needing more and 2) not appreciating the effort I am putting in is making me miserable.

I spent most of the afternoon crying. There is just so many factors at play here.

Im lost. Im floundering. I just dont know how to manage this.

Non verbal communication

I think having a baby will make me a much better nurse. I know thatthere are excellent nurses out there who do not hav children, but in my case there were many factors that I needed to learn by having a child.

One huge one is patience. Im about as patient as a fly. Honestly. I dont handle
Waiting on anyone or anything for very long. Little man has already made it clear that things will run on his timeline, not mine. Typical feeding take 30mins, so the one time i bank on that it takes an hour. I planned on cloth diapering immediately after birth, instead due to the NICU stay and his weight/size, I need him to get a little bigger before my supply fits him. (I cant see buying premie cloth since he is growing rapidly)

On top of being impatient, I typically am a big advocate for telling people to “use your words!” this clearly doesnt work for an infant. So I am having to learn some non verbal cues. This should help tremendously in nursing.

And the biggest lesson, God is in control, not me. The preterm delivery, NICU stay, lazy eater and everything else Ive learned in the past 19 days has been a scream of a remibder that I am merely a passenger and participant in this ride, while God is the driver.

What lessons have you learned from your children?

Murphys law…

When you are the most exhausted, baby decides its “awake time”.

I feel like a bad Mom.

Last night I was so sick that I felt like I did for the first 15 weeks of pregnancy. (note: there is NO WAY that is possible) but the exorcist like vomiting and nausea kept me up all night long.

Now add in the chills and sweats and I had a lovely case of food poisoning.
Ugh! Seriously?! Poor NoNo had a tummy ache too, his poo smelled rancid and was flourscent orange.

So why does this make me feel like a bad mom? Because my incredible Husband did every single feeding last night and let me sleep. This means that every 2-3 hrs he woke up, changed and fed the baby, then rocked him to sleep, then washed the bottles. He’s awesome and I feel like crap! I cant believe I slept through 3-4 feedings.

I woke up at 4am to a sleeping baby, a sleeping husband and incredibly swollen and engorged breasts. Thank GOD for the pump! (8oz of milk extracted!)

Then I feel back asleep until 10am…..

But I woke up to the most adorable sight…

Ugh….

Too busy to post. At the fair eating delivious fair food but I forgot the camera sooo… Back to the fair!

More tomorrow.

My heart feels full, but so does my calendar.

We are in the process of moving. And by process I mean starting the military game of over seas screening, ID’s, passports, moving dates, and random other details.

Its a real deal people. We are moving. No set dates as of yet, but its coming and its coming soon.

In the meantime, we are enjoying our time as a little family! We are planning on playing at the county fair this weekend and then a trip to a drive through zoo!

Lots to do…not enough time!

Adorable!

Wordless Wednesday

Two weeks

Dear Nolan,

Baby boy you are now two weeks old. You have grown and changed
So much these last two weeks. You weigh 5lbs 7.8ozs. You have a double chin now!!

This week you lost your umbilical cord, showered with your Daddy, met your AbueIsa, went to Pikes Place market, played at the waterfront, ate at a local fish house, and went to your Papa’s work!

You are eating about 75mL’s each feeding. And you sleep for between 1 and 3 hours at a time. You love being in the car and you hum in your sleep.

Basically, we are amazed by you! We love you so much and cant stop kissing you!

Love,
Your Mama

Im a lucky gal

Really. I know Ive mentioned it before but I am so lucky to be married to such an amazing man. These past few days with hubby home have been bliss. He is so good with the baby, he feeds him, changes diapers, bathes him, snuggles him and still runs around like crazy helping me with everything I need. He doesnt complain at 2am when the baby is crying and I am pumping. He just gets up grabs a bottle of boob juice and starts feeding the little man.

Then on top of all the chores of babyhood he also takes every opportunity to take in some baby snuggles.

And he puts up with me. In my exhaustion (though he is equally tired) he pampers me and showers me with love. Im blessed.

I love him so much. And looking into the eyes of our son I just fall deeper in love with that man.

Truth number 1

We are struggling with breastfeeding. Every session feels like a stand off of will between Nolan and I. He is a stubborn little mule, and refuses to just get down to business. And while my patience is plentiful during day time hours, I find that I have limited patience at the 2am and 5am feedings.

Life would be so much easier if her would nurse all his feedings instead of pumping and then bottle feeding him the boob juice.

Tomorrow we have an appointment with the lactation God. Hopefully she can help us sort some of this out.

Anyone have suggestions for increasing supply?

First juvenile hold

And I didnt freak out! Baby NoNo was held by Mr.Nugget and even fed by him!

What was the hardest “let go” moment for you as a parent?

Baby bath time

Our umbilical cord stump fell off last night so it was time for a Mama Baby bath.

Our little man loves the water! Oh my. He was kicking up a storm and then suddenly he just chilled out and fell asleep.

What are your favorite moments with your children? Or what moments are you most looking forward to as a parent?

This moment was the one I was looking forward to. It was amazing.

Nursing blog? Parenting blog? Blog type blog?

I reflect on my posts and realize how much this blog has changed over the last two years.

It started out as a way to journal my nursing school experience, then turned into a way to track my pregnancy during school, then a way to outlet my feelings about my bedrest and high risk pregnancy, and now… After my brief stay in the NICU it seems to be turning into a blog about parenting.

I dont know what all the future of this blog is. It has morphed so much already that I have no way to know what the future holds. But I know
im going to keep writing, the good, the bad, the ugly and the amazing. I will write about it.

What do you want to know? Its questions time!

Lets talk about sleep

Sleep is a funny thing with a premie. Thats pretty much all he wants to do. He sleeps in three hour stretches at night and has only just started to howl when hungry. Otherwise we are setting the alarm at the three hour mark to wake his skinny butt up to eat.

His awake time is pretty limited but when he is awake he is so alert! He turns his head and grunts and then sucks his hand and kicks like crazy.

Right now we are breast and bottle feeding (pumped breast milk). We offer breast every other feeding and then supplement with pumped. I would love to be exclusively breast feeding but its alot of work for him and he needs the food so for now we will do whatvwe have to.

Ive been really lucky to have some great lactation nurses available to help me with learning to breastfeed. Its hard with a premie, he has so little energy and forgets what he is doing so easily. But we will prevail!!

Also thanks to the wonderful suggestions of many of you, we do a ton of skin to skin snuggles!! Its awesome and I really feel like that is what assisted us in getting out ofthe hospital so quick. As soon as we started skin to skin his desat episodes disappeared.

And now here we are nine days into this wonderful dream and I feel like I am in heaven. Really, life couldnt get much better than this.

Wordless wednesday

Dear Nolan- 1 week

Dear Nolan,

You are one week old. What a whirlwind week you have had Lil Man. You came home from the NICU, met your Daddy, met your Great Gramma, learned to breastfeed, and got more kisses and snuggles then are able to be counted.

You are an amazing baby who was nive enough to sleep in 3 hour stretches for us last night. You eat about 40mLs every feeding, and you weigh 4lbs 15oz, head is 32cm and you are 19inches long.

You have outgrown about half of the premie clothes but you are just a little too small for newborn clothes.

You have giant hobbit feet that you do not like anyone to touch. You have a cute little birth mark on your butt, and you pee everytime we change
You.

We are amazed by you. And so in love with you. Thank youbfor choosing us as your family.

Love,
Mama and Daddy

Family

Just missing the Big Boy.

Perfect Moments

The first minute a father meets his son. Its a perfect moment, and for a second Im lost in the moment, breathless.

Sunday snuggles

Nolan got snuggled by his Grammie and Papa yesterday. It was such a good day in the NICU. We were able
To avoid desats and I even got to give him a bath!

Thank you everyone for the comments. And even the Neonatologist mentioned that I am wearing myself out. I need rest. Its just miserable leaving him there. Heart breaking.

Last night I went back To the hotel after 18 solid hours with my son, and slept
Like a champ for 5 hours. I feel like a new woman. Im trying to stay positive. Trying.

Oh and yesterday when I went to get undressed I realized that I had puke, poop, pee and blood on my shirt. All my sons. And in true new mom fashion I wore it all day an didnt even notice.

Share a funny parenting story, please? I could use a smile and a laugh.

Nolan and Dr. Nolan

Did I mention that the OB doc that delivered baby NoNo was named Dr. Nolan?

It was meant to be. She was awesome!

So here is my Nolan squared picture!

Oy…the drama.

“seriously Mom….seriously?!”

I got my live baby, why cant this be easy?

I should be on cloud nine. I should be overwhelmed with joy. I should be the happiest woman on earth. I made it, I crossed the finish line, I got my real live baby.

Against all odds he is here and alive. 35 weeks of terror, 35 weeks making myself keep going while living in fear. I did my time…so why is he having trouble now?

Why couldnt the pregnancy struggle be the end of the battle? Didnt I prove myself worthy? Didnt I go through enough?

And now here we are in the NICU and every day there seems to be a different struggle. Everyday a new challenge. Every minute more fear. The terror hits
Me deep in my gut, Im so in love with this amazing little person and so afraid that there is something seroiously wrong that is being missed that is going to take him from me.

I dont get it. I cant understand. Havent I shed enough tears? When is it enough?

Why cant this be a happy time? Why cant my baby just come home and be healthy? Why God, why?!

I want answers. I want to know why. I want to know it will all be ok. Im struggling here. And between the exhaustion, hormones and fear I am starting to lose it. I can feel the ground slipping away.

He keeps me going. Knowing he needs
Me. But its killing me inside that I cant do anything for him.

I just wish I knew why. Why us.