Archive for September, 2010
Overwhelmingly exhausted
Any sleep suggestions? Im kinda tapped out for ideas. We are going on 5 hours pf trying to put him to sleep. Five hours. Hes exhausted. Im exhausted. Help!!
Dear Nolan (week 7)
Dear Nono,
You are now 7 weeks old. I cant believe its been 7 weeks, I feel like you have always been a part of my life. Its hard to imagine what life was like before you.
You weigh over 8lbs now and are 21 inches long. You have out grown all of your newborn clothes now.
This week you helped get our stuff packed and sent to Japan. You were so perfect!
This week you still have stopped sleeping. I think that you are just running on Japan time now. Thats gotta be it!
Now if only you would stop losing socks…. Things would be pretty perfect!
Love you my little man! Thank you for making my heart feel so full!
Love,
Your Mama
Life change is not my favorite thing
We moved alot when I was a kid. Being a military brat pretty much guarenteed a move every three to four years. And yet some how I have blocked outthe moving process from all of my memories.
I cant remember the movers coming and boxing up our lives, and I surely dont have any memory of unpacking. Its strange not to be able to recall those events.
And because I cant remember them, I have no assistance in my head for my
Move. That security blanket of knowledge is defecit. F*ck!!
So here I am, just a couple hours before my first (of many) moves as a military bride and I am terrified. Excited too, but mostly terrified. Questions running through my head at a thousand miles per hour.
Did I remember to unplug the DVD player?
Did I take all my jewelry out of my jewelry box?
Will my painting make it there without damage?
Will all my china survive?
Did I keep all the essential for Nolan?
Should I send Hubby’s uniforms or carry them?
So many questions….
Dear God, please let this be an easy event. Please let me learn from this thelessons I will need to be a better military wife. Please help me to survive this without crying. Amen.
I will stop procrastinating tomorrow
Typically I am way ahead of the game when it comes to getting things ready. This has not been the case in regards to the move.
I havent started weeding through junk. I dont know what baby stuff to keep and what to send. I dont know my exact arrival date yet. Im just …. Overwhelmed.
Here’s to hoping I get alot accomplished in the next 24 hrs.
In the mean time… Look at the worlds cutest distraction!
Just stop asking me already!
Four. Thats the number of times Ive had to fill out the post partum depression survey at the doctors office. Four times in six weeks. Its getting ridiculous!
Today is my post partum appointment. Im seeing one of the midwives. The irony in this is hilarious. I wanted to see the midwives my entire pregnancy. I finally deliver and I get to see them for my pap and post partum visit. Do you see the irony here?
Today is also my first pack out day. The movers are coming!!! Holy moly. Time is sneaking away.
Im down 30lbs from my last visit. I cant believe it. That puts me right at my prepregnancy weight (which is nothing to get to excited about). Its time to get my butt in gear, my goal is to lose 30 lbs more before I come back to the states next spring. I will be tracking my progress here.
Ok…just got called back. Time for one final check of the girlie.
The disconnect
So I havent yet written Nolans birth story. I have to go by what was noted by my good friend L because I was on Magnesium and in quite a fog.
Because of the mag, and the forced induction and the horribly high blood pressure, I did not get the labor experience that I wanted.
I was pretty drugged up when he was born. I was sleepy and overly
Warm and all I wanted was to get him here safely. I dont really remember much of it.
I hate to sound selfish, but I am sad that I wasnt so with the program. The first few days that I was on the mag after he was born was also blur. I just dont know what to think.
Then between the mag fog and the intense guilt I felt about him ending up in the NICU…. Lets just say that the first weeks were difficult.
Every time he didnt feed well, I felt guilty for bot being pregnant longer. Every time someone said “he’s so tiny”, I was screaming inside. Everytime.
I felt detached for a few weeks. And then suddenly the other day it felt
Like I woke up. And here I am with this amazing little man. And the labor doesnt matter. He’s healthy. Happy and weighing 8lbs now!!
Before and after
Before baby I used to blog every day.
Now, I struggle to compile my thoughts.
Before baby I used to get a pedicure every month.
Now, my toes are unpainted and my heels have callus.
Before baby I people never saw me without makeup and hair done.
Now, people are lucky if I have showered.
Before baby wearing a tank top I had smooth underarms.
Now, the hair doesnt bother me im just worried if i remembered deoderant.
Before baby, I shaved my legs every other day.
Now, It takes an act of congress.
Before baby staying up til 2am usually meant I was having a good time.
Now it means Nono is having a rough night.
Before baby if there was poop on my clothes it meant I was at work.
Now, its a daily thing.
Before baby I looked at photos to see my husband.
Now, I look in my childs face and see his father smiling at me.
Before baby I often wondered what my purpose in life was.
Now, I have a wonderful reminder!
Dear Nolan (week 6)
Dear Nolan,
Today you are 6 weeks old. You are such a big boy now! The Newborn clothes are getting tight and some of your 0-3 months are fitting.
This week you went on your first ever plane ride! And you visited the first of many states other than Washington. In California you met your cousins, Tia’s, Abuelitos, and some family friends.
You also started out this week by deciding not to sleep, at all. The heat in Cali was too much for you and no matter how much your Tia D rocked you and snuggled you did not want to sleep for your mama.
Ironically you ended this week by sleeping in a 6 hour stretch. I was so worried when I woke up before you that I almost woke you up!!
You love tummy time now, and the lights on your mobile make you smile so big! You are starting to reach for things and get entertained by colors. And you love to watch people talk!
When I am nursing you, you like to reach up and caress my face and hold my hands. You are just such a sweet boy!
It was sad saying good bye to your AbueIsa. Knowing it will be a few months before she sees you again. She loves you so much! And I am so thankful that we got to spend this week with them letting them all have a chance to love on you.
Little man, you are so loved by your family and friends. I hope that you always know what an answer to all of our prayers you are. I hope you know how much joy you bring by just being you.
We love you to the moon and back,
Love,
Your Mama
Another fabulous flight!!
Im starting to think that the flight to Japan will be survivable! He did so good!!
Now its time to say goodbye…
“to all our company, M -I-C”…..
Now that i have that song securely in you head I will get to the point.
Today Im saying goodbye to all the family until next year. Its so sad! I love my inlaws, they are the best anyone could ask for.
I was amazed at how loved our little man is. Cousins came to visit and snuggle him and the Tia’s were constantly taking him to snuggle. It was amazing!
Yesterday my Mother in law and I looked through Big Boy’s baby pictures and we were both amazed at how much the two boys look alike. Seriously it is hard to distinguish between their photos. It was so cool to see Big Boy at the same age! Goes to show that The Sailor has the dominant genes!
Now off to get some last minute loving from my familia!
Poor baby
My giada broke her nail to the quick today and had to go to the vet to have it fixed.
Now with a little cast, pain killers and antibiotics.
So sad!! Poor girl!
Flying must haves for infants
Granted my flight was a mere 2.5hrs long but I learbed some valuable tricks (many came from my fabulous readers!).
1) you need a carrier. Moby, ergo, chico…whatever. But you need a front carrier. This enables you to carry your luggage, eat something, and even go potty. (yes, I used the bathroom with my son attached!)
2) bring two extra outfits for the baby. One will definitly be used before you ever board the plane.
3) bring an extra shirt for you. And wear something modest under your current top, so that when you have to strip in public you arent standing topless in L.A.X. True story.
4) bring a plastic bag or two. You need these for the dirty clothes and also for the mid-flight diaper change. However the airline vomit bag works well as a diaper disposal unit if you are short handed.
5) for breastfeeders: have an extra blanket or hooter hider just in case the person sitting next to you is a jack ass. Also be ready to open up a number ten can of whoop-ass if someone even remotely suggests that you not feed your baby.
6) pacifier. I hate them, but…its a tool for just in case.
7) tylenol (acetaminophen), call your pedi before flying to find out the dose. I put a bottle in my carry on just in case.
8) gripe water. Something about the plane gave my lil guy an upset tummy. A dose of gripe water made it all better.
9) extra wipes. You always need extra diapers and wipes. You never know where there will be a delay and my airport only sells huggies size 2.
10) snacks for you. Things you can easily put in your mouth that require little effort. Granola, fruit chews, and gum.
I dont think I missed anything!! Any questions?
We made it!!
We are now happily in Sunny Southern California!
The flight was awesome with exception to the boob natzi I was sitting next to. His attitude got me an aisle to myself and him seated next to a fiesty 2 year old who screamed the entire flight. Karma is awesome!
Its the big day….
My flight is in a few hours. Im terrified. I hope I packed everything. I hope the baby does well. I hope security doesnt give me crap for the breastmilk im taking on.
Side note: we have been 100% bottle free for two days! Thank you for all the suggestions to increase my supply, they worked!! I am taking a bottle on the plane and a few with me for EBM just in case he regresses.
Im a nervous wreck. Its also kinda funny that today would have been his due date…..
If im this nervous about a 2 hr flight, how am i gonna survive the 10+ hrs to Japan next month? God help me!
Dear Nolan (week 5)
Dear Nono,
Today you are 5 weeks old. I can barely believe that Ive been holding you in my arms for that long.
I would love to say that this week was perfect, but in an effort to be honest with you, it wasnt. This week you stopped sleeping and Im sure you were trying to kill me with sleep deprivation. You have been grumpy, fussy and LOUD!
Little boy, this week you discovered that you can yell. And you do. Alot.
You also learned that you like tummy time on your mat and you love your bouncy chair.
You weigh 7lbs 1oz and are now 20inches long. You are huge!! You are even wearing some of your 0-3 month clothing.
And your passport came inthis week! You can now go to japan!
We love you so much, even if you dont sleep! You sure make the time fun with all your little smiles!
Love,
Your Mama
Asking for help
Im bad about it. I have wonderful parents who are always offering to help with the baby. They are always offering to give me a break. And up till now I have turned them down.
For the first 25 days, my husband was here and on leave so i didnt need any help. He was a super Dad and made sure that I was rested. Then he had to go back to work.
And I figured i could do it solo. I mean, Im going to have to do it solo in Japan when the hubby is out to sea. So I figured I would get used to it now. Bad idea.
I was worn out. Exhausted. I needed to accept the help. I needed 5 solid minutes to just be alone and know that Nolan was ok.
One of my fabulous commenters mentioned that at one month it gets harder, and it does. He is awake more, fussy more, he has started clusterfeeding, he has a funky sleep pattern now, he has just changed so much!
So tell me, when does it get easier? When do I start to feel like I can handle it? When will i start to feel like his actions are predictable?
Answers would be appreciated but more so for now, I asked for help. Took a bath, ate something, got my candy bar (THANKS DAD!!) and was able to snuggle my baby.
Laundry can wait. So can the conditioner. I mean, Ive gotta save some fun next time!
Question of the day.
What does Motherhood mean to you?
No, im not that good
The other day I was so proud of myself for being able to get ready with the baby solo.
I showered with him, was able to do my hair and makeup, dress the baby and myself, feed us both, and then take out the garbage and do dishes.
I was a freaking rock star. And I did it all on 4 hours of broken sleep.
Now fast forward to today, laundry is in baskets still waitibg to be folded since last week, there is a load still in the dryer from 4 days ago.
My legs need to be shaved, my hair needs a trim, i havent conditioned in almost a week, and I am almost out of clean undies.
I need a bath, a glass of wine, a nap and some chocolate.
I guess Im not as good as I thought.
Post 9/11
Never forget. What do those words mean exactly?
Do they mean to remeber the date? A simple number on the calendar?
Do they mean to remember the tragedy? All the lives lost?
Do they mean to remember the men and women who serve? The ones who have fought, do fight and will serve to fight for our freedom and safety?
Yes. We should never forget those things. But we should also always remember that those men who brought terror into our country are men. They werent a religion or a race of people. They were crazy, evil men.
So while I will always remember the events of 9/11, I will also never forget to have tolerance for others regardless of their religion, race, language they speak or what the people of their culture have done.
What did you learn from 9/11?
