Dear Nolan (Week 34),

Dear Nolan,

This week was a hard one for us. I havent mentioned it recently, but you are still not sleeping. You still prefer to wake every two hours to nurse and even though you are sucking, you are mostly just soothing yourself, not actually eating. This made me decide that it was time to start some sleep training. This has been brutal on us both. Tonight is night tow and I am praying that things get better. But for now, you are a tired and cranky baby.

This week we discovered that you love PICKLES!! You will chew on one pickle for an hour and just naw away on it. Its adorable.

You have also developed a little trend of giving affection when you want to. You will lean over to someone, reach your arms out to them and then grab their face and kiss them on the lips! It is super sweet.

One other thing you started this week was using the pincher grasp. You can pick up cereal and noodles to ge thte food into your mouth now. It makes you very proud!

I love you little man, and your Daddy loves you! We love getting to watch you grow and change.

Love,
Your Mama

Should I stay, or should I go?

While our long term is still up in the air. We are still waiting to hear what the military decides about us being able to go back to Japan. I head rumors that they will undoubtedly let us come home, and then others that say that we may be encouraged to find a designated place here in the states (CONUS).

Now, the big decision comes from us. We have to decide what we, as a family, feel is the best option for us based on what choices we are given by the military. At this point there is some trace elevations of radiation on the base where are stationed. The readings and information that we are given tells us that it is still within the safe amount for humans. I dont know how I feel about that.

The Sailor and I have tossed back and forth many options, staying here, going back to Japan, and even going back to Cali. The options are limitless, but with each of those choices comes more decisions that have to be made. If I stay here, do I stay with family or get a temporary place? If I stay here, do I get a job or go back to school for my BSN? If we stay here, what do we do about BigBoy? If I go back to Japan, is it safe for the baby? Are we sure? If we go to Cali, do I get a job or go back to school? Do we rent or buy? Where to live? What do we pick for our next orders?

One thing that is for sure is that we wont be extending our stay in Japan. We love the country, we love the people, but things here stateside need to be tended to. This disaster made us very aware of how dangerous things can be, and how difficult it can be to get the truth when the answers are being filtered through government.

For the time being I am relishing having the extra hands to help take care of and love on Nolan. I do miss having my space, having the quiet time, but I wouldnt trade that for this opportunity. He is loving having his grandparents to love on, he loves snuggling with his Auntie, he loves playing with the dogs. This is great.

Further choices for this summer include trying to decide how long to visit in Cali, if I should make any detours, and if I want to try to make a trip to El Salvador before the Summer ends (assuming Im not able to go back to Japan).

Its tough to decide, should I stay, or should I go.

Total Deja Vu.

I got the same assignment as last year. Im not disapointed, it could have been much worse. However, it still isnt the L&D rotation that I was hoping for.

Life moves on. It was weird being a “newcomer” to this group of students. Everyone had questions as to who I am, why I didnt finish last year, and was looking at me. I felt alot like a circus freak. But, the worst part is over. Ive been seen, and my “story” has circulated so Im sure it will hit the gossip chain and now I will be less interesting.

I did get assigned to my absolute favorite nurse educator! I adore her!

Moving onwards and forwards….

Regret.

I have no regret about my son, none whatsoever. I would make the same choice to put off finishing school all over again if it meant bringing him home safely. I would do it again if the situation arose.

However, I do regret that I have to go back. Not neccesarily that I have to go back to school, but just that I have to go backwards, it feels like I am moving in the wrong direction. It’s a weird deja vu feeling that I have been here and done this….today is the first day of my last quarter of nursing school…again.

Heading out soon. Im praying for strength.

It’s that time again…

Tomorrow it is back to school for this Mama. This time it is different. Im less stressed about the school, the clinicals, or the social aspects. Im also sadly not nearly as excited to return. Dont get me wrong, I love nursing, I love the profession and I love taking care of people. It’s just the actual school portion that is less than appealing.

Not to mention the weird sense of deja vu that Im having. This time last year as I was starting school I was looking forward to getting to move to Japan, but no knowing exactly when I would get to return. This year is the same. Im hoping that we get to go home, but I know that there is a strong possibility that we wont get to. This time last year I was pregnant and looking forward to meeting me son, longing to get to hold him in my arms. This time I know my son, but leaving him is hard and I will be longing to hold him every minute that I am away.

Im scared that I am going to miss some vital part of his day. Scared that I am missing out on part of his life. But I know that every parent who has to work feels the same. I have been incredibly lucky to have gotten 7 months of time to spend with him without any distractions. I cant believe how blessed I am. And I am incredibly lucky that I dont have to put him into daycare because I have family who can take care of him for me while I am away. Im just going to miss him so much.

This time tomorrow I will have a better idea of where my clinicals will be. Last year I started out with a 12hr, daytime, med-surg clinical. And I was supposed to finish with a 12hr, daytime, ED clinical (I never got to do this as I was put on bedrest on the very day that I was supposed to start.) This time I am still hoping for L&D, daytime, 12hrs (that was my original hope). But truly I am not too invested in the place, I more just want to get this experience completed so that I can get our life moving back forward and back into some sort of normalacy.

Wish me luck…..Im gonna need it!

Dear Nolan (week 33)

Dear Nolan,

Another week closer to being a year old. That’s kind of how I look at it these days. Im noticing more and more that you are closer to being a toddler than an infant. You are solidly a baby. It’s hard to imagine that just yesterday I was excited that you were smiling and now you are a big ole smiling flirt!

This week brought about a ton more teething. No new ones have cut through yet but I can feel another lower front incisor and a canine coming in for sure. It shouldnt be much longer now. This week you also started sitting up completely solo! You will now sit and play with toys for a few minutes while sitting!

The new foods this week were Spinach and raspberries. You loved them both!

And this week you discovered a love for the song “If you’re happy and you know it”. It makes you giggle and squeal! You are just such a little ham!

As always my love, I adore you. I am so thankful for you. Thank you for giving me the chance to be your Mama.

Love,
Your Mama

FYI

It is not appropriate to say to me “I would NEVER marry a man who is gone that much.”

My response will likely be “well I would NEVER marry such an asshole.”

I May spend 2/3 of the year without my husband, but I would rather have him present in my life 1/3 of the time and in my heart for the rest, then be without him.

And p.s. Your husband really is an asshole.

End rant.

Dear Nolan (Week 32),

Dear Nolan,

This week marked your very first trip to the zoo!! We had so much fun with your Madrina, and wandered all around the place looking at all the animals. You slept through most of it but seemed to walk up just in time for the aquarium to see the sharks. What a fun week!

You have been spending alot of time with your Grammie and Papa while I have been busying myself with other tasks. I can just see how much you love them. Every time your Papa walks in the room you just light up. And when you see your Grammie you coo at her. Its so sweet.

This week you started giving kisses. They are pretty wet and slobbery but so cute! And you look so proud of yourself. You have also started reaching for us when you want someone to pick you up. It is seriously the sweetest gesture I have ever seen in my life! I just love walking in the room and seeing you smile and lift your arms to have me hold and snuggle you.

You have actually started crawling but very very slowly. One little move forward and then a big push backwards. Its adorable and makes everyone laugh!

You are such a character all day long, but as soon as it gets close to bedtime I can see how stubborn you are. You get so upset when I put you in your bed, and it makes me so very sad. Within a couple minutes you are sound asleep, but it takes alot of patting and soothing to get you there.

You also started chewing this week. Everything we put in your mouth, you chew. Even if it isnt neccesary. Again, totally adorable!

Little man, I just love watching you grow and change. You are such a little miracle and an exceptional blessing. Thank you for letting me be your Mama and for helping me learn how much love is in my heart.

Love,

Your Mama

Will they glow in the dark?

Apparently they have now discovered low levels of radiation on the base where we were/are stationed. The base is not scheduling any type of evacuation at this point, but it is starting to look like the baby and I will not be returning. In fact if things do not make a dramatic change then it will not be safe for us to return even for a visit.

I know that we are some of the lucky ones who just happened to be out of the country during this disaster and for that I cannot help but fall to my knees and thank God. Any of you who have been reading my blog can remember how much I tossed back and forth about coming back stateside, I even considered not returning and just staying in Japan. Now I cant believe how blessed we were to avoid any major incident.

My friends on base are safe but are now being told to stay indoors and to keep their windows closed. Japan is undergoing a nuclear disaster, and it is going to get very bad, very quickly. The airports are overwhelmed with people trying to escape Japan. The travel advisory is telling people that it is not safe to enter Japan. At what point are they going to start evacuating the Americans and getting people the HELL out of there?

Im trying not to be frantic. Its hard not to panic when my husband, my bestfriend, my soul mate is over there. I pray that he and all the others are kept safe.

Pray for Japan. Pray for a miracle. Please.

Oh Japan, when will I see you again?

What started as a trip to finish school may very well end up being the end to our living in Japan. The island is in devastation, and may not be safe to return. Im still hopeful that I can return “home” and perhaps do some good there. But the reality is that the next few months will be very difficult and we are going to have to just wait and see.

I watch the news and I am shaken to my core. What appeared to be just a “big ass quake” has turned into the largest natural disaster that Japan has seen in over a hundred years. Japan is facing power surges and threat of Nuclear explosions. The military bases are holding tight and keeping tabs on their dependents. I dont know yet if they are going to evacuate the bases, but I dont see how they can allow the family members to stay.

I heard from the base news that Japan will be performing rolling blackouts to help alleviate the power concerns. This is affecting the military bases as well, and we were told officially that there would be no power on base from 1500-1900 daily until the forseeable future.

I am saddened for Japan, my friends, the country that I love deeply. But I am so grateful that I happened to be back in the USA when this disaster struck. I feel like it was some sort of divine intervention that provided us the ability to leave merely two weeks before this huge life altering event. I cant imagine what my friends are going through, but I will be praying for them.

I Found my comments!! Emails are on their way

Ok, so after an endless banter with the folks at WordPress, I finally found my comments. They were all sent to spam. So, I will be emailing everyone tonight. If you get a repeat email, I apologize. And if for some reason I dont contact you….please try again!!

I am getting ready to be back to posting regularly. I have been thinking on some really interesting and comment worthy topics!

Big ass quake!! (Edited)

8.8 earthquake in Japan. Everyone is safe, thank God. But dang!
———
We are in WA and are safe. Looks like all the friends in Japan are reporting minor damage and are now awaiting Tsunami’s. They are expecting a 3M tsunami around 2100 Japan time. (guess I’m glad my house doesn’t have a water view!lol)

I won’t know the full extent of damage to my house until next week. But all my valuables (loved ones) are safe and sound.

Dear Nolan (week 31, 7 Months),

Dear Nolan,

Oh my goodness!! Where has the time gone? You are now 7 months old. Over half of your first year is gone and I just dont know how we have managed to come this far. I swear you were born yesterday.

You are now 15.5lbs and they are still measuring you at about 26.5 inches. You are holding tight in the 6th percentile on the growth chart for both, but I am so happy that you are actually on the growth chart for a “normal” 7 month old without it even having to be adjusted!! Its so nice to see that you are getting bigger.

And speaking of bigger, boy have you grown. You are now wearing mostly 6-9 month clothing, and I had to extend all of your diapers to the next size (thank GOD for AIO’s!). You are now eating three meals a day of real food and nursing about 3-4 times per day and another 2 times at night. You sleep for about 12 hours a night but are up every 3-4 hours throught the night to nurse or be comforted. Im begining to think that you just like to “check in” with me at night. You are sleeping in your own crib until about 6am and then you snuggle in bed with me until 7 or 8am.

You love to eat! And the list of foods we have tried is getting long so I better write it down now! You love everything except the few I mark as dislike.

You now eat: Apples, Avocado (dislike!), Asparagus (dislike), banana, carrots, cauliflower, Blueberries, Blackberries, pears, sweet potatoes, white potatoes, peas, strawberries(allergic), peaches, rice cereal, oatmeal, brown rice, yogurt, refried beans and squash.

Basically kid, you will eat anything that isnt green. But we keep trying it! Next up is some biter biscuits and spinach! 

The biggest news is that this week you officially got your first tooth! The bottom, right, front tooth!! And Mama has the war wounds to show for it. My poor boobies!! We are working with you on the word “No!” since you are very into biting on things right now and we just cannot have you making every one bleed.

You absolutely love the puppy dogs and we are working on socializing them with you. We are very, very careful to keep them supervised around you because we know that we should never trust a dog alone with a baby. (And to all owners of dogs, if you leave your child alone with a dog and it bites, it is your fault, not the Dogs. I strongly believe this is a parenting issue. Bad Mom, not Bad Dog.) But none the less, the puppies love you!

You are babbling up a storm and you love the “TH” type noises now. They make you blow raspberries and it makes you laugh. You are extrememly ticklish and will scream with delight if someone tickles you.

I am so very in love with you my little prince. Thank you for being in my life.

Love,

You Mama

Protected: A little medical drama

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Festive Friday…St Patricks Day

Passwords 2

I would like to thank wordpress for deleting all the comments of people requesting passwords. So, i you commented and did not receive an email from me then I did not receive the comment before wordpress deleted it.

It seems that the glitch has been fixed but….I don’t know whose emails got lost!

So again, if you would like access to my PWP series of posts please leave me a comment on here (I won’t publish it). I need your email address, name and blog (or a little about you so that I can look you up!).

Thanks everyone for the patience!

Cuteness overload

Breastfeeding with solids

Truth be told I have never been a large producer. While pumping I average 2-3ozs each session. Total. That’s combined together from both sides people. I’m no dairy cow. I wish I were. If I could pump 8oz each session I would save it and the kid would get breast milk until he’s 20. Seriously.

But now that he is eating solid foods, and he is seriously eating solid foods, I’ve noticed my supply taking an even bigger nose dive. He still loves to nurse and would willingly suckle multiple times a day. It’s just that the length of his nursing sessions has decreased and I feel him empty me faster. He seems satiated, it just feels different.

I’m not giving up. I won’t. We worked too damn hard to even get this far. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think formula is evil. I just don’t want to use it. End of story. Breast feeding was my goal, it is the one thing I am going to do right. I couldn’t give him a full term gestation, I couldn’t give him an unmedicated birth, I couldn’t give him hours of sweet bonding time at birth. But I can give him this, my own liquid gold. My apology for all the other ways that I failed him. And I will succeed. I will.

So it looks like I will be going back to the lactation goddess for support. It will be bittersweet to see her again after 5 long months of managing on my own.

How do you keep your supply up when introducing solid foods?

Dear Nolan, (Week 30)

Dear Nolan,

So…you must be the most loved and cherished little boy on the planet. Truly, you never cry (except at night) because you have a half dozen people who are always wanting to love on you and entertain you.

You are now eating like you have a hollow leg. You eat two meals a day and still nurse throughout the day. But you eat with a force that makes me feel like Ive been starving you!

You are still not much of a sleeper, but we have a pretty decent routine in place that includes two naps and a bedtime. Im so greatful for those naps my little munchkin! I dont know how I would survive the long nights without them.

Your Daddy and I adore you so much and we are so thankful to have you in our lives!!

Love,

Your Mama