Archive for May, 2011
Just a reminder
As of tomorrow, I can be found at Sailor, Nurse and Co. This move is a big part of a new start. I plan on posting more frequently again. Talking about our adventures, my career choices, and alot of stuff about parenting.
Hope to see you all there!
A sign of how busy
I have three weeks of “Dear Nolan” letters that are waiting to be published, but I haven’t had time to get them finished. Shame on me!
As usual, we are never endingly busy. This week finds us in sunny California visiting all of our wonderful family. Seeing my MIL is one of the greatest pleasures of this trip. I miss her so much when we are away.
Last night we gathered all the cousins and had a nice traditional Salvadorean meal and watched the kids play. I took a billion pictures, and I will post some later. One thing was alarming to us as we posed all the new generation for a photo…someone was missing.
Big Boy. It is clear where he fits in the line up of his cousins. There is a spot for him, and yet he isn’t here to fill it.
Amidst all the fun and happiness of this week, I am overcome with a sadness for him. He is losing out on so much. His Mother is single handedly stealing away his family, and not just his Father but also all the cousins, Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents.
As I watched Their Bisabuelita hold No, I prayed that she will be able to MEET Big Boy before she dies. Sadly, his Mother didn’t get to introduce him to his great Grandfather who passed in December.
Dear T,
One day he will know that you kept him from them. I hope that you know how wonderful they are and how much he is loved and wanted. Call Isa.
Love,
Us
Mark your calendars…again!
Apparently the link I posted wasn’t working. So, here we go again….
As of June 1st, I will no longer be posting on this page. You can find me HERE.
Stop by and say “hi”!
Mark your Calendars..
As of June first, I will only be blogging at HERE. Please join me there! I will be blogging about everything from Nursing, to family life to babies and life in Japan.
Head on over!
Finale
12 more clinical hours and I’m finished. Done. Complete.
What started out as a two year journey turned into three.
There were good times, bad times, horrible times and then there were finals. But it’s almost over. I’m almost done. I’m within sprinting distance.
Here’s to praying for an uneventful last shift, full of ontime medication passes, stable vital signs, adequate urine output, and atleast one pee break for me.
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Degree of separation
Working nights has been challenging for me. I love the night shift, I have almost always been a night shift worker. My brain seems to function better during that time of the day. But, having the baby makes me reevaluate alot of things.
My parents have been watching him while I am in clinical and at school. This means that they have been the ones putting my sweet baby to sleep twice a week. And during the course of the last 4 weeks, my mother has managed to sleep train him. He sleeps pretty much through the night now.
It’s bizarre to me to imagine him going to sleep without me. It feels strange being home with him and not nursing him every two hours. I know this is best for him, I know he needs his sleep, but it feels like he really has grown up too fast.
School is coming to a close. Our time here with family and friends is ticking away. It’s almost time for us to separate from them. Time for us to get back to Japan and restart our lives as a little family.
It’s also time to make professional decisions. Am I going back to school? For what? BSN? MSN? What area of nursing do I want to work in? Should I try to work while we are overseas? Can I volunteer in disaster relief? When to take the NCLEX?
This last year has been so focused on getting school completed that I didn’t dare to think much further ahead. Now I am faced with a multitude of personal and professional choices. All have both positives and negatives. And the choices keep coming.
In the meantime…two more shift of clinicals and I’m done! I’ve survived!
Well intentioned, Happy Mothers Day.
First, Happy Mothers day to all the mothers out there! Also to all the grand mothers, god mothers, aunts, mothers of furbabies, mothers of angel babies, and soon to be moms. I hope today brings you joy and love.
Now…the well intentioned. I’ve been wrestling with whether to post this. But after the third or fourth time I heard it, I realized that If I didn’t post about it
My head might explode.
“Happy FIRST Mothers Day”
I know that statement was well intentioned and that people meant it because it is my first Mothers Day with Nolan. BUT, I have been a mother for a few years.
I was a mother the first time I saw two pink lines on the pregnancy test. I was a mother each time I saw those two pink lines again, even if they didn’t fulfill the promise of holding my babe on earth. I was a mother when I married The sailor and was blessed to have Big Boy in our family.
It’s not my FIRST Mothers Day, but I know there was no malice behind the statement, it was just one of those “slips of the tongue”.
Anyhow, Happy Mothers Day to all. Snuggle your loved ones today.
Diva Cup Review!
I posted recently about my desire to stop wasting money on menstrual products, to be more earth friendly, and ultimately keep from adding any chemicals to my reproductive plumbing. So, I took the leap and ordered the Diva Cup. Some of you guessed that I was going that direction! And sure enough….
After it arrived, I had to patiently wait for AF to arrive. As I am still breastfeeding, I wasnt sure when my monthly guest would decide to show her face. I dont think I have ever been so excited to get my period, EVER!
Basically, I opened the bocx and thouroughly cleaned the cup (HELLO, its going INSIDE…its gotta be clean). Then I stopped and nearly fainted when I saw how much larger it is than the typical tampon. Holy smokes, thats gonna be uncomforable….
I was wrong. I followed the instructions and inserted it, then I hung around in the bathroom for a few minutes doing acrobatics making sure that it didnt hurt or leak. And, IT DIDNT!!
The instructions say that it can be left in for up to 12 hours without having to empty it, so I headed out for the day. Let me tell you how freeing it is not to have to waddle around with a panty shield on. How incredibly liberating it is not to have to smuggle a tampon into the bathroom without worrying if I packed enough. It was a wonderful first day. Then I got home and paniced about having to remove it.
Would it be gross? Would it be messy? Um….maybe I cant get it out!
Nope, Nope, and yes, I could.
Its blood people, but it was no nastier than dealing with removing a tampon. It wasnt messy, but I was very careful. The removal was easy, however it was a little uncomfortable removing it (maybe Im doing it wrong).
The only other negative was trying to decide what to do with the, urm…fluid. A simple flush and it was gone. I rinsed the cup (and then bleached the sink) and reinserted it.
This was my most pleasant period, ever! I was actually excited to use my new product! And for comparison shoppers, I got the Diva on Amazon.com for $19.00 (with free shipping!). My average monthly hygiene cost is about $25.00. The Diva is good for at least a year. That would make my average savings $281.00 for a year!
Are you a Diva?
Not my kind of baby.
Before seeing Nolan’s face, and before holding him in my arms, I would jump on any opportunity to hold ANY baby. I didn’t even care if they weren’t human babies. Give me puppies or kittens any day.
Those were the days where I didn’t know if I would ever get to have a baby of my own to hold in my arms. I didn’t know what it felt like to be snuggling “MY” baby. So, I just enjoyed other peoples babies.
Now that I have No, it’s different. I still get that lump in my throat when I look at a littler baby. I still yearn to hold them. But once they are in my arms I don’t feel anything. I really start to think that I would rather be holding my own baby. It’s not as satisfying as it used to be.
I definitely have the baby blues and would love to have another baby in the near future, but I don’t feel the desire to snuggle other peoples babies.
Is that strange? Have you found any strange ways that Motherhood has changed you?
Life changing
Last year on April 30, I went to my anatomy scan and was so excited to get to see the baby. The invitations to my graduation from Nursing school had been mailed, as well as the invitations for my baby shower.
I remember writing my “Dear Baby” letter early that morning. Whipping out the “magic Doppler” to just check to make sure that the baby was still chugging along. My family all piled into the car for the excitement.
We all know that things went a bit crazy after that. And it did end up working out alright, but dang it was pretty scary there for awhile.
Yesterday marked one year since I was told that I would have to change my life. Nursing school was put on hold. I was told that the baby had a less than 10% chance of survival. I was told that regardless of my choice, he wasn’t likely to survive.
I took the gamble. I accepted the challenge. I was ready to fight, and fight we did.
I couldn’t have done it without all of the support from my friends and family. I couldn’t have done it without all the prayers.
One year. And today I have a cheerful and healthy 8 month old son. School is a couple weeks from completion, and we are all doing great.
One year. Whoa.
