Posts tagged ‘funny’
Ive become high maintenance
Somewhere between the positive
Pregnancy test and bedrest I became high maintenance. Ridiculously so.
Examples: I now require a fan, a bottle
Of ice water with extra ice, and no less than 5 pillows including my snoogle.
I need to be fed every 2-4hrs or I get shakey.
My skin has more lotion on it than a Bath and Body Works sales lady.
I now get dropped off and picked up
Via door to door service.
And the most blantantly obvious proof
Of my elevation to high maintenance status….yesterday I actually commanded that someone hurry in the bathroom (public one) because I NEEDED to go.
Its pathetic but oh so true. Pregnancy has elevated my status.
What things make you high maintenance?
Bedrest fashion 101
Yes, pairing adorable maternity shirt with green monkey pajama bottoms is acceptable while on bedrest. And since I can no longer see over my ginormo-boobs and definitly cant see my legs or feet, so the fact it doesnt match doesnt bother me.
What you cant see is that my socks are also two different colors. Again, since I cant see them it doesnt matter.
And just because I am all about true and fair documentation, I felt the need to show everyone the amazing style that occurs when you have no where to go.
Face it, this is bedrest in the Tiffany Household.
But atleast I showered!
Welcome, my name is Apu
After my appointment this week we drove by this little joyful snack station. I didnt see Apu or Spiderpig but I did see some guys who looked like they were straight out of the Simpsons show.
If it hadnt been for the scary appearance of the place and my “bedrest” limitations, I might have gone in looking for a squishee.
Am I the only one who finds this hilarious? Im still laughing!!
How big is your town?
How do you measure the size of your town?
Population size? Square miles? Time it takes to drive across it?
Well…apparently in some places they measure the town based on hpw many Walmarts are on the town.
Case in point: I recently asked a family member how big their city was. The response “its huge!! We have FOUR walmarts!”
I giggled for hours. And afterwards I was chased around being told “this better not end up on your blog.”
Ooops….y’all wont tell on me will you?
And it doesnt say “love Earl”
Awhile back I heard this story about this cheap-ass guy who bought his girlfriend an egagement ring on ebay. Does that part scream cheap-o, no. Ebay is a useful tool.
The part that screams LOSER is the fact that this ring he bought and proceeded to propose with was engraved with the words “love Earl”. And no Mr. Cheap-ass’s name was not Earl.
He left the previous owners engraving on the ring, and proposed to his finace. Eventually she went and had the engraving removed. SHE had to get it removed. Isnt that ridiculous? And disrespectful?
So…. That brings me to my story. My husband recently gave me a beautiful gift. A three stone diamond ring. Its gorgeous! I am truly blessed with a sweet man! There was no occasion, just because he loves me. Amazing!
Once I am able to get a good picture of it, I will post it…
And it doesnt say “love Earl”.
Can I take my birthcontrol pills with diarrhea?
Well….I prefer to take them with water, but if you want to I guess you could. Just make sure you are using a disposable cup….
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Sometimes its all about how you word things, right?
A memorable experience
Yesterday was a not a good day for baby bean. The defiant little bug was totally against me getting out of bed and heading into school. How did he make me aware of that? I was hit with the worst nausea and vomiting that I have ever experienced, ever. It took me over an hour to be able to get out of bed, and another 45 minutes to get a shower and get dressed for school. I had a big test yesterday so there was no way for me to be able to just stay home and in bed.
So after a very trying couple of hours, I manage to gag down a yummy Trix yogurt and I run out the door. As I am driving I get that familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am talking to the baby, begging for him to let the breakfast stay down, when I realize that the baby has already made his decision and I would need to pull over.
I pulled over on the freeway, hit my emergency lights and jump out of the car. I am standing on the side of the road heaving when a police officer pulls over right behind me. Lights and sirens, he stops and gets out of the car. He walks over to me…just in time for me to spew all of my hot pink Trix yogurt.
The police man was so nice, he had stopped to see if I was ok. And he even went to his car and got me a water bottle and offered to stay with me or call someone. I explained briefly that this is just a pregnancy issue and he left me to my gagging. When I had finished and was getting ready to get back in my car, I looked back and saw that he was sitting in his patrol car talking on his cell phone and laughing. Im willing to bet he was talking to his wife. Only another woman would find that interesting.
Needless to say it was memorable. Baby Bean is helping me make memories at every turn.
What is your most embarassing moment?
Priceless
Flying to Chicago…$376
Four course candlelit anniversary dinner for two….$100
Pulling over In the snow to let your wife puke….priceless
Sometimes you just have to stop and laugh. Let the good times roll!
Pictures Pictures…
Yup...he's in a coffin.
Look....Im in a coffin!
While we were in California on Vacation (on one of my many mini vacations) we went to Old Towne San DIego and walked around and saw the sights. It also happened to be right before the Day of the Dead celebration so there were alot of decorations up for that special event! So interesting, and very fun!
There is just something wrong with this…
One of my most loved family
Members made a yule
Log to share with the family.
Is it just me, or does this look a little naughty?
Things Ive learned in Mexico- day nine at sea
Today we spent the day resting and relaxing and watching for whales!
Nothing huge to report!
1. I can take a Tequila shot, if its good Tequila
2. PATRON is not a mexican tequila and is only made in the states.
3. Tequila was first made in the town of Tequila and thats where it got
Its name.
3. Mr. Cuervo and Mr. Sauza were the first to implement the distilling process of Tequila.
4. One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila…floor, really does seem to be the magic formula.
5. No matter how hard you try you drink the water.
6. The ocean in mexico has the softest beaches and the warmest watet I have ever felt.
7. If you thought you were getting a good deal from one of the vendors then you are being scammed.
8. Doing the exchange rate makes shopping more difficult, but if you just read it in pecos it will freak you out that you are spending 300 for a coke!
9. If you speak Spanish the vendors dont hassle you and you get better service.
10. Sunscreen and hand sanitizer are a must while traveling Mexico!
Multicultural
So maybe its just me, but this restuarant term makes me stop and do some head scratching.
La= Hispanic/Spanish term
Oriental= Self explanatory
Bistro= French
I should have gone in to see what type of food they serve, but I was too afraid. I was picturing refried bean eggrolls with a side of Escargo.
Crazy, right?
Funny….
Tia: Tomorrow is black friday
Abuelita: What Black guy is coming on Friday?
Tia: NO! (Snicker, hehehehe) BLACK FRIDAY, the shopping day.
Abuelita: Oh….
(We all couldnt stop laughing!)
Black Friday
For the first time since I can remember, I did not go shopping for black friday. I am an avid sale shopper, and this is like my holiday! However this year I decided to stay in and visit with some of my inlaws. What a wonderful day it turned out to be!
I am proud to announce that I got my Christmas cards out on time! They were addressed, stamped and mailed on the day after Thanksgiving! Whew, what a load that was! We sent over a hundred Christmas cards to places all over the world!
Today we are heading over to a cousins house for lunch and then back to visit with the Abuelitos.
My finals are next week, so I figure I will begin stressing in approx 3 seconds.
Were there any amazing deals/steals out there? What did I miss?
Best thankful ever…
Tiff: Honey what are you Thankful for today?
Hubby: Happiness….
Tiff: thats perfect!!
Hubby: you are my Happiness.
-now tell me that isnt the most perfect think to hear at 4am!
