Posts tagged ‘Marriage’
The look of parenthood
Being a parent is exhausting work. Seriously.
So wgat is the most glorious thing for a parent? A child who sleeps! I havent been shy about the fact that Nolan is a vampire in training, often keeping us up all night. However, once we arrived in Japan a funny thing happened… He slept! At night! It was glorious!
So I pushed it further. I put him in his crib. And he slept. And so did we. I didnt realize how much better i sleep without him in bed with us.
So I pushed it even further. We put him in his room. And he slept. But i didnt. I kept waking up to check the baby monitor, then to go into his room to make sure the monitor was working. Then I would lay there waiting for him to cry. Im hoping tonight goes better.
I never thought that transitioning him to his room would be so hard on ME. But its ridiculous. First there are the SIDS fears, then the bonding remorse, and then…gasp…he’s not such a tiny baby anymore. Im not ready for him to grow up. And this feels like such a big milestone.
Next thing I know he will be 5 and starting school, 16 and driving, 18 and off to college, or older and getting married….Im not ready!!! Time needs to slow down.
In the meantime, with the baby sleeping before us, we are enjoying a little adult time (aka time for Tiffany tk freak out).
What was the hardest milestone for you?
My husband’s mistress
Im married to an amazing man, and he is cheatin on me with this bitch called “The Navy”. And sometimes I hate that evil bitch.
Now this may sound contradictory to my July 4th post, but its not. Its just the whole truth. Some days, like today when the reality of delivering our son solo hits me, I hate the military for keeping my husband so far away.
On days like today when I really need a hug, I hate that the military prevents him from wrapping his arms around me.
Today while laying in bed watching my belly jump around and feeling our son move, I hate that he isnt here to share in this.
So please dont get the wrong idea about my patriotism, or my support of my Sailor. But realize that some days it feels like he is cheating on me with HER. I love the Navy, but
Sometimes I hate that bitch.
Home of the free BECAUSE of the brave
I come from a very patriotic family. We are proud to be Americans. We bleed Navy blue and gold.
I was raised a Navy Brat, knowing my Dad was serving our Country made
My heart swell with pride. Im still proud of all he has done for our country.
And my Husband is in the Navy. He is truly a hard worker and such a patriotic man. Ive never known anyone who is more proud to be an American.
I can remember last year crying with pride on the Fourth of July because my husband was in Iraq serving and sacraficing for our great country. A task he volunteered for! I couldnt imagine being more proud of him.
This year, I sit and listen to the fireworks, eat a little BBQ and miss my Hubby desperately and I am reminded of the families and friends who support our troops. The ones that are there with letters, emails, prayers and love keeping our men and women in uniform going. I think of my fellow military wives and I realize how proud I am to be part of those ranks.
So today I salute all the sailors, soldiers, airmen and marines who are supporting, serving and sacraficing for our country. And I send love and prayers to all the wives, husbands, parents, children and friends of the troops who are right there standing beside our men and women in uniform keeping them going.
Please take a minute to remember that we are the home of the free BECAUSE of the brave!
Happy Independence day!
I love this man….
And I know he loves me, but I think that in this picture he is clearly telling me to stop clicking pictures of him.
It seems to be the standard operating procedure that when he is home, I shoot WAAAAAAY too many pictures of him. And I know it starts to make him crazy, but gosh he’s cute!!
Happy Father’s Day Honey! (Its a day ahead where he is) Thank you for being such an awesome Daddy to your boys!
I love you!
Picture pleasure Friday….
Something to keep you all occupied while you wait for the fun baby pictures!
Random thoughts about the “nots” in our lives
A few days ago I posted a poem about the “knots” in our lives.
In that prayer it talks about removing the “have nots, do nots, and can nots”. I got to thinking alot about that the other day. I think that those “nots” are the ones that plague my mind and keep me from enjoying my life to its fullest. It is really easy to get caught up in the things you havent accomplished instead of your successes. Its simple to think of the “can nots” instead of all the things you are capable of.
The biggest thing that troubles my mind is the “might nots”. Those are the things that seem to hold me back the most. I think about what could happen and that this baby still “might” not happen. No matter how wonderful everything is going, I am reminded and humbled by the fact that nothing is for certain and that until the day that I am holding this wonderful living breathing being in my arms, there is not certain fate that she/he will be born. I need to banish that “might not” from my mind to free myself to be able to enjoy all the mights.
In the silence I am tortured by the thoughts of the “could nots” that have happened in my life thus far. I punish myself for not completing school sooner, for having a failed first marriage, for losing babies, for not being a better friend, daughter, sister, or person. Those could nots are things that I need to release myself from so that I can relish in all the things that I CAN do.
The prayer really touches my soul when it says “Remove the Am nots that I have allowed to hold me back”. I think that this is true for everything I have said above and even more that I cannot put into words. I cannot live my life in “nots”. I have to be kinder to myself, and treat myself more like I do the people around me.
I am a good person.
I am a strong person.
I can do it.
I can.
I am.
I will.
And it doesnt say “love Earl”
Awhile back I heard this story about this cheap-ass guy who bought his girlfriend an egagement ring on ebay. Does that part scream cheap-o, no. Ebay is a useful tool.
The part that screams LOSER is the fact that this ring he bought and proceeded to propose with was engraved with the words “love Earl”. And no Mr. Cheap-ass’s name was not Earl.
He left the previous owners engraving on the ring, and proposed to his finace. Eventually she went and had the engraving removed. SHE had to get it removed. Isnt that ridiculous? And disrespectful?
So…. That brings me to my story. My husband recently gave me a beautiful gift. A three stone diamond ring. Its gorgeous! I am truly blessed with a sweet man! There was no occasion, just because he loves me. Amazing!
Once I am able to get a good picture of it, I will post it…
And it doesnt say “love Earl”.
Being a military wife is hard…
Its even harder when you have to say goodbye to your spouse. My best friend is leaving today and heading to NewHome. Our movers should be here in a couple days and then I will be living out of a suitcase for the next 90ish days.
As I sat folding the last of my husbands clean clothes last night and watched him pack to leave I was suddenly overwhelmed that I will be living in a space without all my daily reminders of him. I will be down to basics, reliving my childhood.
Being a military wife makes you nomadic. The change of scenery keeps you going, and you realize sadly to never get to comfortable in one place because the move will have to happen eventually. And the positives of all of that is that I have been able to make long term friends who understand the lifestyle and are willing to write, call, email and send packages to keep in touch. I have people lined up to come and visit us, and since NewHome is so exciting the list just keeps getting longer! 
Im not complaining about my husbands profession, not in the slightest. He is the most amazing person in the world, and I would rather have him in my life part time then not have him in my life. We may spend our time together trying to live for all the time we were apart, but I wouldnt trade it. Not at all.
Im blessed to live in a community that is heavy on the military support. I have a ton of resources around me to help me get through this move without too much worry. And for the most part I am excited.
But still, his bag are packed and I am folding the last of his underthings. The bathroom is void of his toothbrush and razors, and the only shampoo is mine.
Its strange….but suddenly the queen size bed seems way to big.
Early morning love
Sometimes the first morning pictures are far from flattering, but they capture the love in our eyes! I miss him so much!!
Only a couple more days till he comes home!
A special visit
After thinking it over for months the Hubby and I decided that it was time for him to go back to El Salvador to visit his family. I really wanted to go along but since school isnt over yet I couldnt go.
With the big move just a few days away for him and only a few months away for me, we thought it would be a good idea for him to visit before we leave to NewHome.
Im so excited to report that he was able to call me today and was able to surprise his Abuelita! And since his cousins birthday is in just a few days, he will be there for that too.
Sometimes its hard to be selfless and give him five of our 15 days to go out of the country and visit without me. Especially knowing that I wont be seeing much of him starting next month. But…I am so happy that he got to go. He was just so excited!
What is the most selfless thing you have done for you spouse or significant other?
Prochoice versus prolife
I was watching the television last night and saw a commercial about prolife, I believe it was a religious commercial and it got me to thinking about my own beliefs.
I asked my facebook friends what their positions were and was given a wide range of opinions. I have a deeply weaved opinion of my own.
Basically I am prolife. The basic part is that I am prolife for myself, I dont deem to make the choice for others, but I know that I could never make the choice to end my pregnancy or to terminate this innocent life inside me. For other people, I am still certain that choosing to terminate your pregnancy is better than giving birth to a baby and abusing or neglecting it. I wont get into all the alternative options to abortion, because I know that every intelligent person knows that there are alternatives.
One of my girlfriends mentioned how her ultrasound changed her view on abortion. I have to agree. Watching the recent ultrasound and seeing Baby Bean roll, wiggle and wave his/her arms made the idea that there is a real life inside me so much more real. I dont know if many of the women who decide to abort get a chance to see their baby on ultrasound. I know that if it hadnt been for the ultrasounds that I have had, I would be so much less attached to Baby Bean. The visual images have made Baby Bean real, they have made me realize that I have a little person inside me.
Does this mean that I couldnt be supportive of a patient that chose to abort? Or a friend who felt that they didnt have any other choice? NO. I still believe in my heart that this is a decision that is best left to the parents of the baby. I could never begin to fathom the reasons for making this decision, but at the same time I have never walked in those shoes.
I know that there was a moment in time when I was going through my own dark time, dealing with a divorce, with school starting in a few weeks, and I thought that I may be pregnant. I remember thinking that I would never want to bring that mans child into the world, and that I would find some way to save that baby from being forced to have a Father like him.
The minutes that passed by waiting for that test to say the result were excruitating. Three minutes is a life time when you know you will have to deal with something horrible at the end of the buzzer. I weighed my options briefly and was sure that if it were positive I would choose to terminate the pregnancy, not so much for my own ease but to save the baby. Ironic, isnt it?
And now fast forward a couple years. I am married to a wonderful man and our baby is created out of love and want. This baby was no accident, it was planned, discussed, and prayed for. We feel blessed to get the opportunity to be a part of this childs life.
The basic conclusion to this post is that I can see both ways. And I know that when situations change people can change their minds, and suddenly options are opened up that may not have been.
So my amazing readers, what is your stance? Prolife or Prochoice?
Happy First Anniversary!!
Today marks one glorious year of marriage to the most amazing man in the universe.
Its obvious to most that we decided to get married on Valentines day. And we get asked by many people why we chose that day, so here is my reasoning…. Both my husband and I feel that love should be expressed every day and so should appreciation so neither of us have a particular use for Valentines day. And We wanted a day that was memorable, so we chose Valentines.
Other benefits to being married on this day are that there are tons of sales on Jewelry and flowers and men are bombarded by sales ads reminding them to buy their sweethearts THINGS. For women its a little harder since for
Some reason Valentines is all about buying women gifts.
We spent our anniversary very
Low key. The night before we attempted to enjoy a luxurious restaurant with great reviews. I say attempted because I was unable to enjoy much since BB was not in the mood for food. Today we spent the day exploring Legoland and did some shopping for maternity clothes and then saw the movie Its Valentines Day. Great movie! Oh and we had an amazing lunch at Maggiano’s!
The best part of the day was having my Hubby all to myself and getting to have some great laughs!
Happy anniversary my love! Here’s to another 50 of newlywed bliss!!
5 weeks since my last kiss
It has been 5+ weeks since I have had the pleasure of seeing my Husband. Today I am walking out the door and heading to the airport to go visit him in snowy and cold Chicago!
I get an entire weekend of his undivided attention and pampering! Yipppeee!
Sadly, after this weekend it will be another month until I see him again. He will be home for BB’s NT scan ultrasound and then will be heading to Our new home in NewCity. So many changes on the horizon and we are trying to figure out a trip to El Salvador and Canada before we move. Busy times ahead!
I will be posting pictures….
Just one more night
Tomorrow Im leaving on a jet plane and heading off to the Windy City to see my husband. Sometimes I feel like these vacations are the military equivilant of a conjugal visit. Im not complaining, it always feels like another honeymoon.
And speaking of honeymoon, our first anniversary is this weekend! We will be celebrating it with a nice dinner at Chicagos famous Firehouse! Im so excited! This restaurant was featured on the food networks “Great Eats”!
Anyone from Chicago? Any suggestions of things to do out there?
As for today I just have to survive the rest of clinicals and take an online quiz and write two papers before I can leave. No problem right?
Thinking and hoping and planning and dreaming….
Yesterday I put in my graduation application. Yes, it is that close. There are only four months left until I am finished with this step of my education. I am still having a hard time believing that it is almost over. There are 5 weeks left to this term and then next term is just mentorship. Its all downhill from here, right?
And with the end in sight I am having a horrible amount of senioritis. Im burned out, tired, and incredibly frustrated. Im sure that a small portion of it is that I am pregnant and my patience is very thin, but a large amount of it is the continued lack of understanding and organization from my program.
I thought that it had gotten better, hence my lack of complaining about it. But the truth is that I have just gotten used to it. Sadly the school has pulled a fast one again. We were all sent an email late last week notifying us of a “mandatory” seminar on Friday. This wouldnt be a problem except that at the begining of the term we were told that this would be a long weekend for us, four days, so I planned to fly out to see my Hubby for out anniversary (and long weekend). The tickets are purchased and there is no changing the plans now.
The part that is the most frustrating to me is that I would have liked to have gone to the seminar. Our school is hosting Betty Neuman (Yes THE Betty Neuman). Nurse Neuman is the pioneer of Nursing Mental Health. Her involvement in Nursing is nearly as deeply rooted as Florence Nightingale (in my opinion). So you can see how it would have been interesting to get to participate with a woman so amazing and so passionate about Nursing.
But due to my schools lack of coordination and notice, I cannot go.
Dont get me wrong, I really want to see my Hubby, and I wouldnt miss our anniversary for the world. But at the same time, if I had known about this event earlier then I could have planned on taking a later flight and then gotten the best of both worlds.
*Sigh* I guess I just set my goals to high. I need to lower my expectations of the school so that they can meet them, and then I wont be so frustrated.
Have you ever met anyone famous?
Emotions running wild
Somedays I think that I should just lock myself indoors and hide from the world. Days like today when the hormones take over and I wind up sobbing like a fool over and over again. These are the days when I wish I could have a do over.
Today I was mean to my husband. This is not something I proud of. I have the most amazing and forgiving husband, he understands when I have my emotional moments and is patient until I touch back down to reality. I was in the wrong completley and I over reacted to something petty in a way that is not typical of me. My behavior was unacceptable and I was more than willing to apologize. I am in awe that this man is so forgiving and is so willing to love me even with my flaws.
I am so blessed to have a group of friends who even when I start sobbing in the middle of a department store (or while on the phone) dont think Im nuts. They are comforting and compassionate. I dont know what I would do without my friends, they have been my back bone through these surges of emotion.
Im beyond amazed at the power of these hormones. They have the power to turn the most simple phraise into a “murder threat” a simple “I love you” into an accusation. And they have the ability to make me feel like I am going completley insane. And that is how I felt yesterday.
Yesterday I cried when the sales lady showed me a crib with a little drawer underneath to hold sheets and blankets. The sales lady was explaining it all to me when I suddenly started sobbing and had a horrible rush of anxiety. All of a sudden all the positive steps Ive made these last weeks of buying baby things and thinking about the positive outcome of this pregnancy were washed away because of crib sheets.
Was it the sheets? No. It was the thought of baby vomit on sheets. There is nothing cute about that. Nothing cliche or romantic. They are real life. Crib sheets arent like a baby onesie that can be shown off and be adorable. No one shows off the spare crib sheets. Crib sheets are what people who are going to have real live babies need. Everyone else gets onesies.
Crib sheets are a perfect metaphor for the anxiety I am feeling about Baby Bean. They were the catalyst in yesterdays freak out. I am trying my hardest to stay positive and not to get dragged into this cycle of negativity, and most of the time I can focus on being positive and loving the time I do get with Baby Bean. Yesterday was not one of those days, I was not in my finest moment, and I am not proud of how I behaved.
And even with all of that I am trying to move forward and count my blessings. I am loved by an amazing man who even with my flaws allows me to be me. I have friends that support me even when I being insane. I have family that brings me back to earth when I am floating around into the outter space of craziness.
My life is good. And today I will try my hardest to remember that.
Pregnancy causes crazy dreams
Among the many things I have been dreaming about it technicolor, I dreamt that I killed my patient. Not due to negligence but it was a Dr. Kevorkian moment. Very strange and incredibly emotional for me. I woke up in rare form with tears running down my face, out of breath from sobbing.
On a non- Kevorkian note, when the patient in my dream was taking his last breath he looked strickingly similar to my Grandfather. The reality of that was probably the reason that I was so upset. It was a mixture of memory, worst fear and a Greys Anatomy episode all wrapped into one dream moment.
Needless to say I woke up feeling less than rested. I just wanted to close my eyes again but I was too afraid that I would be brought back into that dream again.
Do you remember your dreams?
Planning for the anniversary
Im so excited! In just a couple weeks the Hubby and I will be celebrating our First Wedding Anniversary!
Some days it feels like we have been married for 10 years, especially when you think of everything we’ve done and been through. Other dayd I cant believe its already been a year.
Ive been told that the first year is the hardest, so if that was that hard part then I cant wait to see what the easy stuff is.
Our first year of marriage survived Iraq, family deaths, orders that kept us apart, traveling abroad, and a second set of orders keeping us on separate side of the US. Not to mention Nursing school.
Nursing school alone makes marriage more difficult. The time constraints that studying, clinicals and lecture cause dont leave very much time for romance or being spontaneous. But we manage.
And now here we are, almost a year in and I have to say that I am even more in love with him than I ever.
What did you do for your first anniversary?
