The good, the bad, and the…hormonal?!

From the beginning, the good. So the good is that yesterday was amazing! Reaching Viability was such a huge milestone for us. Not just because it means something for a pregnancy but also because 4 weeks ago we didnt think we would make it this far. And now we are doing so well! It also marks four weeks of bedrest. We celebrated with friends (with Doctors permission!) by going to dinner. Dinner was wonderful and I felt so blessed to have such wonderful people surrounding us to celebrate.

The bad…I felt like crap after the activities of yesterday. Cramping, achy and just uncomfortable. So I crawled my butt into bed put my feet up and here there I stayed all evening. Today it will be back to the norm of “couch” chillin’.

The Hormonal… Yesterdays festivities were broken up with reminders of the halt in my Nursing school career. My Pin for the pinning ceremony arrived and I managed to keep my composure until a moment alone and then I lost it. Cancelling my graduation was painful. But when things like this arrive I feel like its salt in the wound.

Now please dont anyone think I am not aware of how lucky I am. I wouldnt want anything to happen to Nolan but i just wish I could have my cake and eat it to.

I just feel like I am so stressed about not thinking negative thoughts or dwelling on what should have been for fear of jinxing how great things are going that I just cant breath.

At what point in pregnancy did you feel like you could exhale?

The other side part two

Waiting on the preop team to
Come and start doing their THING. Waiting on the anesthesiologist to come in and discuss the epidural.

I feel bad for my nurses today. They need a simple CBC but after three nurses stuck me a total of eight times with no success they are at a standstill.

Ive been NPO since 10pm. IV fluids running but no fluid bolus. (isnt that neccessary for an epidural?)

Im an anxious mess. Im trying to savor these moments with the baby. Trying to convince myself that this is the best choice and that it will succeed. But Im scared. I admit it.

I will be coming back to the OB ward after the procedure and will be staying for the weekend at the least. Then it will be home on a strict bedrest until after viability.

I will update as soon as I am alert and capable. Thank you for the support. You guys are helping me hold it together. I can feel you all standing here holding my hands.

Thank you. Thank you.

On the other side of the nurses station.

Wearing the beautiful hospital gown, toco monitor in place, SCDs on and humming, IV in right hand and fluids running at TKO. Assessments ecery 2 hours, including fetal heart tones. Call light at my side and NPO incase of sugery tomorrow.

I feel chaotic and helpless. The nursing staff are awesome but words like “Type and cross” and “blood band for just in case transfusion” dont evoke the most relaxed of feelings.

What does it mean when your doctor comes in to hug you? Surely that isnt a sign of good news.

So many “whys”. So many. Too many. The buzz of the machines around me is familiar and makes me smile a little when I think of clinicals.

This will make me a better person/parent/nurse, right?

We can survive this, right? Both of us?

A change in the due date…

I had been posting the change of week on either Sundays or Mondays as that was originally when my week counter for Baby Bean would change over. At todays appointment the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor re-evaluated my earliest ultrasound, and agreed with my dates of ovulation. This puts our new due date at 09/15/10.

The benefit to this, in my situation, is that it puts me a little closer to viability. It also lets them know when I am no longer a candidate for a cerclage. (More on the cerclage towards the end.) So….on Wednesdays I will now be posting (starting this week!) the weekly meme.

Todays appointment was nice. I love the Army Doc, he is just the sweetest and most personable doctor I have EVER met. And I love that he is on the ball when it comes to follow up, planning, and information. I got weighed, and my vitals taken and everything looked fabulous and stable there. Then he came in and we talked about changing medications from the Ibuprophen to Procardia as a tocolytic (contraction stopper). We both agreed that Procardia was less dangerous than the Ibuprophen and since I am still having cramping with the Ibuprophen that it probably wasnt working. (Ibuprophen in pregnancy can cause the baby to have a decreased amount of urination thereby decreasing the amount of amniotic fluid and overloading the babies system, it can also cause the ductus (part of the circulatory system) to close.) So now I am taking Procardia every 6 hours.

My cervix is stable and measuring at about 1.4cm with fundal pressure and 1.6cm without any pressure. So it hasnt really changed much since last week, and that is good news! From the outside I am not dialated and the Doc stated that my cervix looks beautiful (Never gotten that complement before!), again this is fabulous news!

Now about the cerclage (a stitch in the cervix that helps to prevent or decrease the amount of dialation), the doctors are hesitant to perform this procedure  because I am having a lot of cramping and some intermittent contractions. This is not ideal territory for a cerclage because if I start to contract more regularly I can wind up hurting myself (cerclage can tear). So for now, we are just going to continue on modified bedrest and weekly appointments with ultrasound to monitor.

On a side note, baby is still head down and the doctor said he/she is really super cute!

Hyperemic Cervix and L&D trip numero uno

Wanna know a sure fire way to know that Im not going to clinicals? How about spending all night in L&D. And no, I wasn’t there for clinicals. I got to be a patient on L&D last night for about 9 hours under observation.

The catalyst to this enjoyable little excursion was a generous amount of bright red blood that spontaneously appeared and was unprovoked. Bright red blood is never normal in pregnancy, it can be benign, but is not normal. I called L&D and asked what they suggested and due to my history of loss they recommended that I head in to be checked out.

Needless to say I was pretty freaked out about seeing the blood. And upon checking into L&D, started to sob. I was scared, actually terrified was more like it. The staff was wonderful and just further cemented the fact that I want to join the ranks of the L&D nurses. I changed into a gown, they put me onto the monitors and baby had a great heart rate of 140′s, no contractions on the toco. All that is wonderful!

A couple hours later the doctor came in to do and exam and informed me that they were going to be extra cautious because my previous ultrasounds had a question as to whether my placenta is clear from my cervical os. (If it isnt clear, then I am at a higher risk of abruption). So he did a speculum exam and noted that I have an increase in blood vessels around the os (opening) of my cervix and that there was some scant bleeding from the cervix itself.

After a slew of questions the doctor said that I likely have a “Hyperemic Cervix”. This just means that I have an increased amount of blood flow to my cervix and that can make me have incidents of bleeding. He suggested I lay down and rest while he ran some blood work.

7 hours later, after no sleep for any of us, he returned to discharge me. No real restrictions, but I now need a follow up sooner than expected and I have instructions to return if there is any more bright red blood.

So why does this keep me from clinicals today? Because I didnt sleep at all last night, and I dont feel that I can be a safe provider of care under those circumstances. My last day will have to be postponed until next week.

A quick shout out of thanks to my Father, who sat by my side all night and is still heading into work. What a great guy to go with me so that I didnt have to be doing all this alone! Thank you Dad!

———————————

Long story short: A little scare, all is well. I am fine and baby looks great! Ultrasound tomorrow for anatomy scan and to get more information about placental location.

Lessons learned

I saw a man die recently. Watched him code, watched CPR, watched intubation, assisted with CPR, watched him regain life (according to the tele monitor)….and moments from that I watched him take his last breath.

I am always amazed at how quickly people run the codes on the floor. You hear a code “blue” and then staff drops everything and starts running with equipment. Its like watching a symphony. Everyone is perfectly in sync.

As my time with this mentor is coming to an end, I find that I have learned more about myself as a person and a Nurse while working with her than I have ever learned in my life. Ive learned about the practicle side of nursing, the side that involves more than starting IV’s and giving medications. I learned more about critical thinking in 80 hrs than I did in 20  months of school.

The powers that be matched me with the perfect mentor. She is patient, kind, assertive, and f*cking brilliant. Im amazed by her. And honored to have been told by her that I will be an excellent RN.

Now is the down slope of the hump. Time to move on to my last half of mentorship. A new mentor, new location, new everything. But it is my final countdown, never again will I be doing clinicals like this for the first time. The conclusion that is imminent is overwhelming. Its hard to imagine how close the finish line is. Soon the patients will be mine, the decisions will be mine, and I will be using my “nursing judgement”.

Im ready…..

Back to clinicals/mentorship

I have two more days left of mentorship on the Resp floor after today. Then I will be halfway done with mentorship!! I should find out sometime next week where I will be going for my second half. It is much less stressful than waiting to find out about the first half.

There are some options of where I could be put. The instructor asked me what my preference is and I explained that I still really want to go to L&D. Unfortunetly there are not enough mentors for L&D so I cannot go. Sad. Very sad. I told her that I would love to go to the ED, but I understand that there are some people who are using this as a working interview so if they need to go there, I would be happy to withdraw.

I am hoping for either the ED, or the ortho floor. Anything else would just be mentorship….and I know that there is nothing that I cannot achieve. I can do it. Im just ready to be done.

What made you do it?

“What made you decide on Nursing?”, this was a question that has been posed to me repeatedly over the last few years and although I have always wanted to be a Nurse, there was one major push in my life that made me actually decide to do it.

I can recall a conversation with my Grandpa, telling him what I was considering. I told him that I didnt think I could do it. I knew it was going to be hard, and I was sure it was going to be harder than I could manage. My Grandpa was a man of few words, when he spoke it was time to listen. So when he told me that I could do it, that I should do it, I listened. He funded my first quarter of prereqs. He listened as I worried about school and just told me to keep going. When he got sick with Mesothelioma, I was crushed. I was in the hospital sleeping next to him for many nights.

I would show up after everyone had left, stay in the uncomfortable “chair-bed” and I would hold his hand. If he needed something, I was there. I saw how the nurses treated him, saw how much they did for him. Saw the dignity that they restored him and I knew I had to be one of them. Even in his death he gave me inspiration to continue on with my goal.

Every time I have considered quitting, I have thought about him. It has made me keep going. I would never want to do anything to let him down. Never. And so, when it got harder I thought back to those times. I closed my eyes and remembered his voice. He gave me the strength to keep going.

He is what made this all possible. Without him I wouldnt be where Im at. Without him I never would have been able to realize my dream and make it happen.

So what made you do it?

Some things Ive learned in clinicals

There are many things that Ive learned in clinicals for my mentorship this term, but so far these are the ones that seem to stick out the most.

• No matter how old or how sick you are, your family is never ready to watch you die
• 60 year old men will still cry when their mothers are hurting
• Home ventilator care is tedious
• Multiple Sclerosis is a horrible awful slow miserable way to go
• A spouse who doubles as a care taker is Gods gift to the patient and the nurse
• A patient can go from fine to coding in a matter of a blink
• 150bpm does not always follow the text book and sometimes the patients are asymptomatic
• Sometimes output of 15ml/hr is an accomplishment
• Hydralazine is an amazing medication
• Some people NEED pain medications and wont take them
• People have the right to refuse care, even if you disagree
• When the day is done, its ok to come home and pray for your patients
• People die. No matter how hard you try to prevent it.

Ive done 40 hours of clinicals in 3 days. It was a busy, amazing, overwhelming, incredible, and terrifying 3 days. I learned more in 40 hours than I have in 20 months of nursing school.

Im having a hard time leaving the patients at home. I see some of them in my dreams, I pray for them at Mass. I worry for them. I search the newspaper for their faces in the obituary section. I cry when I find them.

I love it and yet it is exhausting.

What does DNR mean to you?

I had a sad encounted with a patient. Not much I can get in to on it, for HIPPA reasons. But I will share how it made me feel.

That was a big part of this experience, I feel something. For every single patient. I dont know if it is a new level of compassion or it is pregnancy related. But either way I am so sensitive to my patients and their struggles. I hurt when I see them hurt, I cry for their families.

Hospice is a wonderful asset to the hospital community. My own grandfather was able to make use of the hospice services and I know first hand how great it is. But I really saw them save the day with this family. I saw hospice make things better and the nurses are so compassionate and comforting to the family.

I want to be like that. I want to be the type of nurse who brings compassion with me to every shift. I feel like that is the type of nurse I am turning in to, I just hope I dont end up jaded.

But what does DNR mean to you? What condition would make you decide to be a DNR?

How will 2010 compare?

In 2009 our family went to Seaworld, Universal Studios, Disneyland, Las Vegas, Idaho theme park, and Mexico. That was all compacted in between Nursing school, Iraq and a multitude of family visits. I saw the beach in two countries, I touched the ocean. We saw whales, and dolphins in the wild. I saw baby sea turtles. I touched a dolphin, a sting ray and fed a ton of animals in the wild. I stared a Sea Lion in the face and realized just how large they really are. I was serenaded by harbor seals.

We were busy. I just cant figure out how 2010 will compare.

We are going to be moving overseas, we are having a baby, my husband will be out to sea, I will explore our new town. Yet it pales in comparison to the major adventures we took.

What does this say to me? We lived it up in 2009. We did all the adventuring that we could think of and then we decided to start on the greatest adventure ever….a baby.

There may not be any concession stands selling Turkey Legs, or margaritas, the days will be filled with breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and baby gym. But it will be an adventure none the less.

How did you know when you were ready to have children?

Surviving shift one

Im not young anymore. Thats for sure. I can feel it in my back, my hips, my legs, and I feel it in my feet. 12 hours actually turned in to more than 13. I did manage to take two short breaks and I drank a full 40 oz of fluids. I peed more times than I could count, thats something that I dont get a choice about the baby makes it so.

Being pregnant doesnt actually make me slower, but it makes me more precise. I feel more compassionate to my patients and their different situations. I thought about the strangest thing today, each one of my patients were a little baby once. Totally random, but it made me feel closer and want to make them better even more than I could have imagined.

I was told years ago that I would never be a great nurse unless I had children. I can understand that now. There are alot of good nurses out there, but I think parents develop an understanding for their patients. At least that has been my experience.

The biggest “oops” moment of the day….I tagged my EMR charting as “Physical Ass”. Everyone laughed at that. Oops!

I survived shift number one. And now time to get the log finished, and rest up for tomorrow!

Mentorship

Tomorrow starts my mentorship and the newest countdown until this portion of my schooling is completed. There are only 67 days until graduation, and around 75 until I head out to NewHome.

In preparation for Mentorship I have been reading about CHF, COPD, and pneumonia. I figured since Im gonna be on a respiratory floor that those would be the biggest things I would encounter. I got ahold of the hospitals policy on weaning from oxygen and the procedure for RT consults. Im reviewing my meds, and was reading my journal entries from when I was on this floor last time. Its a tele unit so I have been refreshing how to analyze tele strips. I need a ton of help on those! Hopefully by the end of the 80hrs I will be effective at accurately analyzing them!

Where did you do your mentorship/internship/externship?

Wait…you mean Im in charge?

Mentorship starts in a matter of days. I called and left messages for
My mentoring Nurse but it is difficult to get in touch on the weekend. But still I am pretty sure my shifts will start next week.

It hit me hard the other day, in a few short weeks I will be the nurse. I will be in charge of my patient load. I will be the one who has to trust my gut to make decisions. I will have to recall the information that I learned.

Crap! Thats alot of stress. After two years of “playing” nurse during clinicals its a little scary to think about moving into the real world.

School isnt that hard once it is the only thing you have to do. The first year I worked nearly full time and went to school, it almost killed me. I still maintained good grades, kept on the deans list and even kept my attendance up. But this year my hubby and I decided I should focus on school, so I quit and have only had to work on my Nursing stuff. Goodness it is so much easier!

I can only imagine what it is gonna be like to join the work force again. This time as an RN and mother.

Its really hard to remember that soon Im gonna be in charge. Didnt Nursing school just start?

The results

After the anticipation nearly caused me to stroke out, I found that I didnt get what I wanted. On the other hand I didnt get the shaft either. I did wind up in Med/Surg, in the Respiratory step down unit. Its a tele unit, so not such a bad thing.

I think that in general the assignments were handed out fairly. It didnt seem like the “favorites” all got their first choices, in fact those one seemed to get the most disapointment. And there were people who got the creme de la creme who I dont think deserved it. But I guess the choices were made based on more than what I can see from observation.

At first I got the assignment and thought “it could be worse”. Im relatively happy with where I will be, but I wont lie and say that Im not incredibly disapointed. I busted my buns in L&D, my grades reflect it. My evals from the instructors reflect it. But alas, I didnt get it. It took about two hours and now Im crushed. I feel a little let down that I was so clear about my preference and didnt get anywhere near what I wanted.

Im taking tonight to have my pity party. Tomorrow I will wrap my brain around trying to focus on the assignment and the tasks ahead.

Does breastfeeding offend you?

I was reading about how DELTA airlines doesnt allow breastfeeding in the cabin of their flights. They require that nursing mothers take their infants into the lavatory to feed the babies.

When I read this I started to FUME!! First, I think the concept of feeding anyone in a nasty bathroom is disgusting. Second, HOW DARE ANYONE DICTATE TO ME WHEN TO FEED MY CHILD. Third, it has been proven that nursing a child during take of and landing can relieve any discomfort that the infant can feel during the altitude change. It also keeps the baby quiet, making everyone around the baby more comfortable!

So what do you think? If you were on a plane and the woman sitting next to you began nursing would you be offended? Do you think that it is ok for society to dictate when and where this can be done?

The anticipation is killing me

Tomorrow I find out about my mentorship location(s). It could be a large multitude of combinations. Basically we get 10 weeks of mentorship split into two five week terms. We were asked to pick our top three locations, and I picked L&D, ED, and Pediatrics. I would even be happy with ortho though. I love ortho!

The areas for them to sort us all include these: L&D, ED, ICU, PEDS, Many Med/surg floors, and Long term care.

There are about 62 students in our class that have to be divided into those locations. We are supposed to have two separate rotations, so we each need two locations. Understandably this is a huge task. I know that there are many factors that go into sorting the student nurses into the locations. They take into account our request, our ability, available mentors, and students per facility. This means that basically, not everyone is going to get what they requested.

Because I have been so verbal about my general dissapointment with the program, and have been very outspoken with the short comings of this school, I have a feeling that I will not get any of the locations that I requested. Its just a gut feeling. I dont mean to say that they would flat out be vendictive and punish me, but….we will see tomorrow. Perhaps I will have to eat my words then. Perhaps.

Until then, all I can do is pray. I want to be an L&D nurse so badly. I love the autonomy and real difference a good nurse can make in L&D. I know that this is my calling in life. I can feel it. And I know how disapointed I will be if I wind up getting the shaft and spending my 10 weeks of mentorship in Long Term Care and some sort of post of recovery rather than where my passion can further develop.

Just a few more hours and I will find out. My Nursing career is just starting….I cant believe that this part of my schooling is almost over. It seems like just yesterday I started this blog. And soon it will be time to graduate from it. Time flies.

Sneak peakage….

 

Its almost time……time to say goodbye to the stark white uniform!

Grades and such

So…grades posted and I rocked another quarter! Im super stoked at the results and really couldnt have asked for more!

I cant believe that the only things standing between me and my RN are 10 weeks of mentorship and the NCLEX.

I think back to 6 years ago when I first started the journey to nursing and I just am in awe that Ive come this far. It really seems like just yesterday I was taking the COMPASS test and enrolling in Calculus and English Comp.

In about 80 days I will be getting my pin and can be officially called a Nurse. My children will be born to a Nurse mama, my husband married to a Nurse. Its crazy.

They say “once a nurse, always a Nurse”. Im making the first level of my life plan complete. Now just to finish my BSN and decide if I want my Masters or PHD. The options are unlimited.

I think seeing my the grades from my last ever test in Nursing school has made it really sink in….Im gonna graduate!

Only the NCLEX is left

Wednesday I took the last ever exams for my Nursing Career. They were the hardest tests I have ever taken in my life. I walked in feeling prepared, and confident. I got the exam in my hands and became tachycardic and diaphoretic (heart racing and sweaty to my non-nursing folks). Suddenly all the med/surg material was written in German. All the professional role development exam was written in Chinese. I was lost. I took twice my normal amount of time to finish the exam, and still feel like I dont know what I answered or if it was correct.

I will find out the test results early next week. And I am sweating it. I really wish that there was a little more instant gratification in testing. More immediate results. But alas that is not the way it will be. I have to wait.

So now, assuming that everything went well in the exams, I have completed the last ever exams in my nursing school days. Only the NCLEX is left.

I will be spending the rest of the weekend praying that I am blessed with passing scores.

Nursing school

As found posted on this blog…

Oncology, ICU and the annoyance of cravings

Starting from the top…This week we are having our exam on Oncology, or as our instructor calls it “Altered cellular growth”. Basically its the cancer exam. This exam encompasses one day of lecture and one week of time to study. In other words, I feel like Im screwed going into this one. We had a guest lecturer, which is usually an excellent learning tool except this time the lecturer went at rapid pace and skipped back and forth over the topics. I felt like I wound up self teaching this entire topic, and since I was so lost from the lecture I was highly unmotivated while studying. In other words, it sucked monkey balls and Im thinking that my test score will reflect this lack of motivation completely.

Now onto the ICU. I spent last weeks clinicals romancing the ICU. Walking in I was not looking forward to working there, when I first started in Nursing school I desperately wanted to work in the ICU, but after spending the clinical rotation in the L&D I have since decided that I prefer womens health care. The ICU is full of very sick people who often have poor prognosis, and I am very sensitive to that. Dying people make me cry. Their families make me cry. It is just too hard. And my guess was correct, it was very difficult. There is just so much emotion in the ICU, people are praying and holding on to their loved ones, Nurses are scrambling to complete each task and to truly keep their patients alive. Its so hard.

The strangest part wasnt that the emotional aspect was difficult for me, but that there was just so much noise in the ICU and I was having a hard time focusing. Not the people noise, but the noise from all the machines, the beeping of the IV pumps, the dinging of the OG feedings, the whooshing of the ventillators, the sucking of the wound vacs and hemovacs, through all that I was just really over stimulated. I never thought I would be that way. I love the noise of the ED (emergency department), I love the hustle and bustle of a busy night with a full moon on payday in the ED. Those are the best nights. I dont mind the noise of people talking, screaming, yelling, arguing, laughing, crying. THose are fine noises. But the lack of voice and over abundant amount of electronic noise was so….distracting.

I loved the Nurses that I was blessed to get to work with. Those nurses are super heros, they deserve so much credit and I would love to be considered to be brilliant enough to join their ranks, but I just dont think that I am cut out to be one of them. Its a sad realization. A sad end to dream. But I suppose these are the types of things that you are supposed to learn while you are in school.

And now the last of my topics, the annoyance of cravings. Baby is keeping me from eating. And when I do find something that I “crave” by the time I make that food accesible I can no longer manage to gag it down. Im tired and totally missing eating. Its hard to be nauseas all the time, its wearing on my nerves and while I feel like I should be enjoying every minute I am lucky enough to be pregnant with this baby I am torn by being bitter that I am so sick. The mixed emotions combined with the hormonal moods are making me cry.

This weeks goal is to pull my SHIT together. I will spend this week getting back to myself. This is a good thing for both me and the Baby. I cannot wallow in this bad attitude for the next 29 weeks. I cant.

What are your goals for this week?

When a photo is real…

Or better, when a photo makes things feel real. Thats how it felt when I saw the newest ultrasound. Crazy how a few images can make you catch your breath. There is a baby in my belly. A real, live, moving, heart beating baby. And we clearly saw it move, shake, wiggle, wave those little arm buds around and then listened to the sweet thud of its heart beat. Seriously that is the best sound in the universe.

I am a little disapointed that the Fibroid Friend (who shall remain nameless since I dont want it to stay) is still growing. Baby is measuring at about 1.5 inches and the Fibroid is 3 cm (2.54cm in an inch and that means that they are almost the same size). This is a vast increase from the last ultrasound where Fibroid was measuring just under 2cm. So assuming that it wasnt some measuring flaw last time (or this time) that means that the Dear Ole Fibroid has grown a serious amount in almost three weeks. This is annoying and concerning.

Atleast that explains the cramping Ive been having.

So what does this mean for Baby? Well, nothing for now. But if the Fibroid continues to grow and Baby continues to grow, it is going to be tight quarters in there towards the end. I have another appointment next week to discuss the ultrasound findings as well as to talk about the regular stuff. Ultimately Im trying to have faith that this will all work out.

As much as I am glad that this quarter it winding up and doesnt seem as time consuming as the last few, I almost wish I was doing my OB rotation now. I feel that I have such a better grasp of pregnancy and complications now, then I did in the fall quarter. Perhaps that is simply because of the amount of information I absorbed during lecture and now that I have the opportunity to put it into action it actually mean something. Maybe thats it.

Every day that goes by that I am blessed to be pregnant with this baby I believe more and more that my calling in life is to work in Womens health. I feel a drawing towards it. I feel like this is where I belong.

Are there moments in your life that make you feel drawn to something?

Nursing school midterm

I rocked my midterm. Only two little areas that she suggested I work on. I was thrilled! I am thrilled! It was the highlight to my yesterday.

I also finished and passed my final dosage exam! It was the absolute last one, and I am so happy that it is over.

This quarter is proving to be more challenging to me personally because of all the other things I spend worrying about. But academically I dont feel as pressured as I have in other quarters.

There are less than 4 months left until graduation and then its time for the BIG MOVE!

Dosage, midterm evals and the research paper

Today marks the quarterly dosage exam. For 5 quarters I freak out about this math test since I get horrible math anxiety and spend the week before it trying my hardest to relearn everything that I may have forgotten. Drop Factor, drip rate, Desired dose over dose on hand, etc. Every quarter I pass this exam with flying colors but spend days sick to my stomach about it.

This quarter is different. There are other things that seem so much bigger in the scheme of things (like dead babies, cramping, doctors appointments, and so on) so I studied a couple of hours but nothing like in previous terms. I take the test this afternoon so we will see if the new approach was effective. I feel pretty confident about it and I really hope that I did the right thing in maintaining my calm.

Tomorrow is my midterm eval for clinicals. I am really looking forward to this because I feel like I have been doing really well and really have the hang of assessment, diagnosis, planning, implementation, evaluation (ADPIE). I also feel like this quarter I have started to find my groove as a Nurse, I do my assessment in my own way. Its still systematic but instead of starting at the head, I start at the hands and got up and then back down to the feet. I feel that it gives the patient a little more “face” time with me before I start putting my hands on their heads. Im not saying its the best way to do things, but it works for me because I always start by shakking the patients hand and since I am there I can check pulses, cap refill, and strength. Im just happy that I found a way for me to make it work for me and still get all the neccessary things done. So I guess we will see tomorrow if my instructor feels like I am doing as well as I feel like Im doing.

I have a big research paper to work on this weekend. Not really excited about it, and even though I am still tossing back and forth about my topic I think I will just get on with it already. We were assigned the criteria to write the paper and the due date has to coincide with the topic we are discussing, and we get to pick the topic. I looked for interesting Neuro topics, but when the Neuro material was being lectured I was so busy with other things that I couldnt get it together. So we are now talking about Hematological stuff and I noticed that we didnt cover Hemochromatosis.

I had a coworker of mine who was diagnosed with Hemochromatosis a few years ago and I remember hearing and thinking how interesting it was. So I started looking into it and I think it would be worthy of my topic. Hemochromatosis an inherited condition where you absorb too much iron from food and it builds up in your blood. The excess iron causes damage to your liver, heart and pancreas and can lead to cancers, heart or liver disease and even death.

Interesting, right?

I think I find it the most interesting because I am iron deficient, and so the thought of having too much iron is facinating to me.

Alright, back to studying…..